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Folks wanna know, “When do I know it’s time to leave a marriage.”

Here are 4 things to be on the lookout for:

1. A ‘ME” versus “WE” mindset. When a spouse doesn’t include you or makes intense assumptions about you. For example, your spouse uses their limited vacation time to book a week-long trip with friends. You’d hoped for a family vacation. The vacation time is now gone. There was no discussion.

Your spouse assumed you’d be cool with it. After all, it is their vacation time. Or, we hear folks say, “I lost myself in the marriage.” We’ve seen couples make 6 figure purchases and not disclose it or have a whole born-day party for themselves with other couples and not invite their spouse.

2. Your spouse doesn’t see your value. The counseling language for this is to “not accept influence.”  The spouse overvalues self and underestimates your role. No fairness exists in this union. Whatever your role is, it has been defined by the other person and they don’t see you.

3. Folks don’t keep their word. This is a biggie. Have you ever seen a person lie about anything for no reason at all? When deceit and mistrust occur repeatedly, you don’t get to recover before another lie comes down the road. Ya can’t catch a break. Well, you can, but it might mean divorce.

4. You can’t find the good in being together anymore. When you think of when ya’ll first meet, you frown and recall how the other person belched. There was a time you let it slide. Now, you can’t recall a fond memory. It’s gone. When your mindset is this negative or neutral on love and commitment, it might be gone.

There are times when the resolution is to part. It’s a devastating necessity that can sometimes allow two individuals to be better people away from one another.

Don’t throw up the deuces on the first train smoking when you see these.
You can recover, but these are strong indications of finality.

See ya soon,

Hasan and Naaila