The Color Of Red Flags

/0 Comments/in /by

Hello

Painful moments are cues. They give us signals. Kinda like a stop sign. If you were to see a stop sign without any letters, you would innately have the mind to stop. The color and shape of the stop sign give a message.

People give messages too.

Red flags are messages. A red flag could mean, “This ain’t what you want!” Or, it could a lighter message such as, “I need to look at this deeper.”

When you fail to adhere to the signal the red flag sends, you put yourself at risk. Many folks don’t want to read the emotional message behind a red flag. So, a person decides to change the red flag code to mean, “Aww, it’s gonna be ok.” No red flag ever told you to give it a new definition. You may decide you’re colorblind and aren’t sure the color is red.

Folks come up with an array of reasons not to respond appropriately. Some reasons are because you believe…

…the person will change for you

…you can change the person

…the person promised to change and you gave them repetitive chances

One of the things we want you to walk away with is a person displaying unacceptable behavior for you isn’t always a bad person. This simply isn’t YOUR PERSON.

When you see the flaming red signs from a colleague, a family member or a friend, establish a boundary to safeguard yourself. If not, you could end up in a relationship or place you don’t wanna be. All because you didn’t heed the warning signs. You’re worth so much more!

See ya soon,

THE HIM & Naaila

Where’d This Come From?

/0 Comments/in /by

Hello

Have you been bungee jumping or you won’t go because you’re terrified? For those who have children, were you concerned about the terrible two’s before they began?

Has there been a chance you wanted to take or a job you wanted to apply for until someone rattled off the risks?
Before covid, I tried hard to get Hasan to go on a cruise with me. He wouldn’t do it! He told himself he’d die, in the middle of the cruise, and be tossed overboard.

Now, how did he come up with this story? Who knows! LOL.
Was it a movie? Something he heard? Doesn’t really matter. What we know for sure is a perceived fear, without sound facts, held Hasan, and you, back.

A few years back, as Hasan was going blind, due to the rawness, scariness and the unknown of the process, information came in from everywhere and everyone. Of course, Hasan did his own research about his circumstances. Then, the other folks came in!

Everyone had a cousin with a cure. There was a product that could restore his sight because their Uncle’s sight returned. There was a drink, an herb, or some natural doctor to go and see.
I can’t say all of them were dismissed because they weren’t, but at some point, Hasan had to stop!

The reason was that folks were giving advice, with minimal information, no medical expertise or awareness of his condition, but in response to THEIR fear of Hasan going blind. The intent was kind. But let’s keep it a hunnit.

Is this how you give out medical recommendations or referrals?
It isn’t.
But when you’re afraid, this is what you do. You look for ways to make the discomfort go away even if the problem doesn’t.

Consider doing this before jumping aboard the “FEAR ME SHIP“….

Get the facts for root of your fear.

Identify your anxiety. Your feeling is real, but is the origin of it sound?

Is the person who gave you the info the real deal?

Does the other person’s situation connect to your own or is their situation different?

Do you have the whole story as best you can? Is your anxiety feeding off of a specific detail? Look at what has you hung up. Another person’s negative moment does not have to be your own. Making decisions or believing that what happened to another will happen to you isn’t so.

That’s their narrative! You can create a different one for yourself as long as you don’t get caught in another person’s story.
Be mindful of the way you speak to others so your limits and afraid experiences won’t be transferred to them. Let us know how you do!

See ya soon,
Hasan and Naaila

Dang…Somebody Tried To Get Her Coins!

/0 Comments/in /by

Hello

It’s a short and sweet reason why we’re up at 3 am creating gratitude action plans for ya’ll.
It’s cause ya’ll matter to us.

We have a philosophy we try to keep. Never to give someone a resource they can’t use. It’s like giving someone the recipe and all of the ingredients for tuna salad without providing the tuna. What’re they gonna do with that?

Someone, other than us, referred a client to a gratitude app. Our client was geeked up and rarin’ to go. It’s a new year. The person had a fresh attitude. It was ON! Then, she learned the gratitude app had a fee. She requested other options from us. Because we know her, we kinda sorta felt like we knew what would be her best gratitude upgrade.

We couldn’t find anything we liked. So we made one. She’s gonna get a copy and you too! We’re so thankful for you!

See ya soon,

Hasan and Naaila

/0 Comments/in /by

Hello You!

Ya’ll know we use authentic speaking language in our writing style and when working with us one-on-one. We even wrote our premarital guide, Selection Perfection, using this same conversational style.

Folks say, ” I keep it one hunnit!” often, but don’t speak in 100% terms. Please don’t take this to mean we’re suggesting to be “brutally honest.” Honesty never has to be savage or crude.
Look at it along these lines…For example, someone may say, “My parent wasn’t really affectionate or complimentary to me as a child or as an adult.”

It sounds and feels nicer to speak this way about a parent versus say, “My parent was abusive and emotionally absent. Still is and it hurts.” Folks elect to use words that don’t fall hard on the ears. Yet, the outcomes of your experiences still weigh heavy on your head and heart.

Another example is the description of a “functioning alcoholic”. This is a person who is able to go to work, to pay bills, and continue to get drunk after hours. This person is still an alcoholic, at work or off of work.

See how it is a common practice to soften the blow verbally!
If an event or experience is heavy, in any capacity to your mind and spirit, different word choices won’t lessen the disruption for you.

Using disingenuous language comes from the false belief that this will prevent you from unraveling from what has occurred in your life.

Consider this…what if it’s ok to be undone? Acknowledging a string is loose is how you get it tied again. Sugarcoating the truth is not being authentic to you or to those you’re interacting with.

We won’t dismiss the difficulties associated with it. Using bonafide language to describe a moment in time means you have to hear the full gravity of the issue. It also means you become transparent. Transparency requires self-exposure or vulnerability.

These are real fears and concerns! Yet, you can’t change an issue you don’t acknowledge. Do a self-review and see if you speak in a sincere, forthright, and righteous manner. In order for someone to get the full picture of you, your experience, or your feedback, use speech that adds to the depth of the matter versus taking away from it.

Homework for you:
How can you reword your statements to be more comprehensive of how you truly feed?

Let us know what you come up with!

See ya soon,

Hasan and Naaila