Did You Lose The Desire To Be Friendly?

Hello You

There are folks who paused on making friends prior to the pandemic. We get it. Being friendly and socializing requires ongoing effort and trusting new folks can be hard. When I moved to Atlanta in 2013, I cried daily for 3 months.

I wanted to be with THE HIM, but I missed the village I left behind in North Carolina. He used to tell me he got tired of me talking about how different NC was from Atlanta. Wasn’t my fault NC Village showed me love for over 20 years! Hee Hee!

THE HIM reiterated the hospitality extended to him from the same group often. I wasn’t lying!

I had to learn how to meet new folks while holding on the relationships I had at home. It’s been over 10 years and I have done so, but it took time. I’m still not good about cold-calling friends. I’m not inclined to call folks up and extend an invitation unless I’ve known you for a very very long time. More than 10 yrs!

For what reason? I dunno. On the other hand, if you hit me up, I’m probably gonna be down to roll out with you!

Common beliefs about being sociable…

1. It requires time you don’t have

Time will be needed to share with another person, but you can also make a decision on the amount of “friend space” you have to share. Maybe you can meet someone for tea or lunch, but you can’t kick it on a Saturday evening. You don’t have the social bandwidth for it. Do what you can. Dassit.

2. The fear of rejection

Ain’t nobody trying to put themselves in a vulnerable position for someone to deny their friendship invite! If its someone you’ve known a long time, you may believe it’s been way too long to reach out. Not so! There’s no time better than now! Life is too short not to let folks know they matter to you.

Someone new may give decline an invite. It’s ok. You have done the same before due to your own lifestyle. This never means you are being turned away. Your offer may not be accepted, but your friendship may be under different circumstances or day/time.

3. Nothing happened to your friendships except you allowed them to fade

Relationships require nourishment. If you don’t feed anything into your friendships you’ll lose them. With real social connections, you’ll need to do more than wish someone “HPB” with an emoji on social media. Contact folks for no reason at all. Don’t offer excuses for the social distance between the two of you. Pick up from where you are at that moment!

Now, if you continually lose friends, it may be time to self-reflect. What messages are you giving others? Would you be your friend?

Relationships matter. They help you live longer. They give life meaning. They echo the good you give back to you. Go build yours!

See ya soon,

THE HIM and Naaila

The Cost of Riding the Middle Lane

Did a parent or anyone ever remind you to follow the rules? Rules are everywhere and often, are definitively detailed.

Don’t sit here.
Don’t trespass.
No shirt or shoes-no service.

These are all kinda self-explanatory. There are also the middle ground areas.

Such as…

Wear your mask at all times UNLESS fully vaccinated or with an exemption.

You must make your bed as soon as you get up each morning.

You have to pray on your knees.

Then, we have the things considered culturally and spiritually incorrect. For example, one should not disrespect a parent. However, disrespect is defined differently by each person/family.

We can likely agree, disrespecting Momma ain’t gonna be ok. But many things in life fall into these undefined areas like making the bed and prayer. When things are not clear, it can be difficult to make a decision. It is natural to lean away from the choice causing the most sting, but when the sting is unknown and unclear, you won’t avoid what you have no knowledge of.

Growing up, you could wear Winter white from Labor Day to Easter Sunday. On, and after, Easter Sunday, a classy lady knew she could wear white, in all its pure glory, until Labor Day. Welp, I have seen many who don’t subscribe to this fashion faux pas anymore! And it’s ok. There are many fashion alternations one can choose. There is no right or wrong white to wear.
It’s a middle ground.

We’re sure someone has made this old fashion rules their personal mantra. It’s actually a preference, but folks seem to cross the lines of preferences and requirements.

If I prefer it, it must be right!

WRONG! There is no reason for you to put unnecessary mandates on yourself, and others, to be right when what is right is up to you.

How often have you allowed someone to remove this choice from you? Have you let someone impose their stance for what is right or wrong on you? Let’s take some steps to keep this from happening again.

1. Remind yourself your individuality matters. If it isn’t sinful, illegal or with poor intent, you can make it an option for you. Do what works for you.

2. Give yourself permission to try something new.

3. Be gracious with yourself if you’re temporarily wrong. If you’re self-aware, you’ll be wrong for a limited time only. See your error and make a correction from where you are.  You can elect to have the life you want based on who you are and your values without putting emphasis on having the absolute right answer. You’re not always going to know. And, it isn’t always necessary.

The only thing you must do is make a balanced healthy choice for yourself.

See ya soon,

Hasan and Naaila