Navigating the Adolescent Years with Empathy and Compassion

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Hello You

Parenting teens can feel like navigating a labyrinth of hormones, emotions, and eye-rolls. Amidst the chaos, misconceptions about parenting adolescents can leave parents feeling lost and frustrated. It is hard to know who to ask for help. You don’t want to appear lost in the parenting maze, but here you are!

Let’s explore two common misconceptions and how we can approach them with empathy and compassion:

  1. Misconception: Teenagers are rebellious and ungrateful. Truth: Adolescence is a time of intense physical, emotional, and cognitive growth. Brain development does not complete until age 25. Thus, saying, “I know you know better” may be true, but the method in which your teachings are being processed isn’t biologically working with you. Teens are seeking independence and autonomy, but they still need guidance. We call it the practice run for adulting that has someone paying the bills for you!

What to do: Approach your teenager with understanding and patience. Encourage open communication and actively listen to their thoughts and feelings. This means you may have to hear information you don’t want.

For a teen to trust you, he or she will have to know they won’t be in trouble when sharing secrets and desires with you. Validate their emotions. Be present for them during this tumultuous time. Develop a “family hand symbol” for you and the teen to use to signal a break is needed.

  1. Misconception: Strict parenting is the best way to keep teens in line. Truth: While setting boundaries is essential, overly strict parenting can strain the parent-teen relationship and hinder the development of independence and decision-making skills.

What to do: Strive for a balance between providing structure and allowing autonomy. Collaborate with your teen to establish rules and consequences, ensuring they understand the reasoning behind them. Don’t have so many rules the teen feels suffocated with no hope for earning privileges or trust. Encourage your teen to take responsibility for their actions and learn from their mistakes. Please, practice what you preach. You don’t always know everything. Offer guidance while giving them space to explore their identity and make decisions.

By striking a balance between structure and autonomy, parents and teens can flow smoothly within this complex stage of life. Remember, the teenage years are a time of growth and discovery, not just for your child, but for you as a parent too. Embrace the journey together and cherish the memories you create along the way.

See ya soon,

THE HIM and Naaila

Parenting Bloopers: Finding Humor Amidst Judgment and Chaos

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Hello Parent!

Parenting is a beautiful rollercoaster of joy, frustration, and “Why is there peanut butter on the ceiling?”. I remember when our daughter drew purple hearts on our white cat. Whhhhhy?

Or, during a family movie night, noticing our son and daughter pulling french fries from the pockets of their jammies. We hadn’t had french fries for dinner. Where’d they come from? How long have they been in there?

As we navigate this whirlwind, judgment from family and friends can add to the chaos. Everyone else knows what is best for your child, but actually know so little. Sure, as a relative, you may have confided in them a bit, but they don’t know your son or daughter as you do. You may have intentionally withheld information because you’re private or, you want to protect the integrity of your family unit. You owe no one an explanation.

Let’s explore three situations where parents might feel judged and how humor can come to the rescue:

  1. Parenting Style Showdown: When Grandma raises an eyebrow at your “modern” disciplinary methods, it’s tough not to feel judged. I recall being told I wasn’t “training my son right” because I took a class to learn other forms of discipline. Diffuse the tension with humor. Say something like, “Grandma, don’t worry. Our next family meeting will include an entire sermon, with a choir, on parenting styles!”. Laughter can remind everyone that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to raising kids.

  2. The Milestone Olympics: Comparing children’s milestones turns parenting into a high-stakes competition. When Cousin Cherie brags about her child’s early potty training, reply with a grin, “That’s great! Our little one is currently mastering the art of abstract finger painting on walls!” Embracing the absurdity of comparisons helps maintain perspective. Everyone has milestones. They don’t have to include commonalities, or exceed that of others to be special.

  3. Unsolicited Advice Avalanche: From sleep training to screen time, everyone has an opinion. When your friend insists that her parenting podcast is the gospel truth playfully retort, “Amazing! Can I binge-listen while I fold this mountain of laundry?” Using humor reinforces your boundaries and keeps the atmosphere light. You get to choose the parenting resources of your choice. No one gets to bully you, or shame you, to use their methods.

To overcome judgment, surround yourself with a cool network of like-minded parents who appreciate the ups and downs of parenting. Practice self-compassion, knowing that you’re doing your best. Join FB groups and solicit information. Learn from the mistakes of others. Remember, laughter is the best medicine for turning those parenting bloopers into cherished memories.

See ya soon,

THE HIM & Naaila