How Fear of Getting Hurt is Blocking Your Love Life (And What You Can Do About It)

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Hello You!

Let’s talk about something that we’ve all probably experienced at one time or another: the fear of getting hurt in a relationship.

We’ve all been there, right? We start to get close to someone, and suddenly our mind starts racing with all kinds of worst-case scenarios.

What if they don’t like us as much as we like them?

What if they break our heart?

Well, here’s the thing: when we let fear control our actions, we end up putting up walls that block authentic interactions.  Anyone ever sat with someone and spent the entire time talking about a bunch of nothing because you were too afraid to reveal anything personal?

When it was over, you slapped your forehead at the loss of time you could not get back!

But here’s the good news: there’s a way to overcome this fear and build real connections with others. And it’s something that’s rarely talked about: practicing radical honesty. This means being upfront and honest about our thoughts, feelings, and desires, even if it feels uncomfortable or scary.

For example, if you’re afraid of getting hurt, you could say something like, “Hey, I’m like spending time with you, but I’m also a little scared because I’ve been hurt in the past.” It might feel vulnerable, but it opens up the opportunity for a deeper connection and understanding. Basically, one way to break through the cold iciness  of fear is via shared vulnerability. When two people are transparent about an uncomfortable moment, it builds an empathetic alliance quickly.

Let’s break down those walls and practice some radical honesty, y’all!

Who knows, you might just find the real genuine interactions you’ve been looking for.

See ya soon,

THE HIM and Naaila

Finding Boundaries & Inner Peace With A Narcissistic Mother

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Hello You!

Loving a narcissistic mother can be a heart-wrenching struggle. She always has to be the center of attention, even if it means putting you down or embarrassing you. It’s frustrating. It’s hurtful. Yet, you keep being told, “She’s your mother…”

It doesn’t feel fair! No one should get a pass on good behavior including mothers!

Don’t worry, my friend, there are ways to deal with this tricky situation.

Tip 1: Don’t engage in the drama. Your narcissistic mother wants a reaction from you. Don’t give her one. If she tries to start an argument or says something hurtful, take a deep breath, remain calm and not engage! Remember her words and actions are not a reflection of your worth. This can look like maintaining eye contact for several seconds after a comment is made, in silence.

Tip 2: Your mother’s behavior may be embarrassing, but it’s important to protect your emotional well-being. Decide what behaviors you will and will not tolerate, and stick to them. Communicate these boundaries to your mother in a calm and assertive manner. Need help? Naaila can surely assist you with this one!

For example, you might say, “Mom, I love you, but I can’t tolerate being spoken to disrespectfully. If you continue to speak to me that way, I’ll need to end the conversation/leave the room/hang up the phone.”

She may never respect your boundaries, but you must! Set the pattern of knowing she loses access to you in the moment if she continues.

Tip 3: Find humor in the situation. It may sound counterintuitive, but finding humor in your mother’s narcissistic behavior can help diffuse the tension. Laughing at her ridiculousness can take back some of your power and remind yourself that you’re not the crazy one. There is some truth to “laughing to keep from crying.”

Remember, you’re not alone in this struggle. There are many others who have experienced similar challenges and have found ways to cope and thrive. Email info@ThatClayCouple.com to set up a few sessions to heal your mother wound.

You deserve to be happy and loved, and you have the power to create that for yourself.

See you soon,

THE HIM and Naaila

When Words Fail You

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Hello You

Communication is the lifeblood of our relationships, whether personal or professional. No one teaches you how to do it. You kinda pick it up from others in life.

It is the glue that binds us, the foundation on which we build trust, respect, and love. Good communication is not simply about sharing information, but about expressing our deepest emotions and desires, our fears and hopes. It is about being vulnerable and authentic, and truly listening to the other person. Good communication ain’t always easy, especially when emotions are run high.

We’ve got a few basic L.U.V.E. reminders to get you through:

Use the L.U.V.E. technique when listening as the receiver.

a) Listen with your ears, eyes, and heart to understand the other person’s feelings. Imagine what they are experiencing and comment or nod to show them you are listening. Do not speak unless you want to ask a question. This is not the time to defend yourself or to correct their story.

b) Understanding has a look.Show it by repeating back the main ideas in your own words to show them you understand. This is not for you to regurgitate what was said, syllable by syllable to prove you heard it…and so you can speak. Remain curious about their intention and your role.

c) Validate by expressing empathy for their feelings, circumstances, or point of view even if you disagree.

d) Express confidence in finding solutions if they have a problem or challenge. This is particularly important when your suggestions are not accepted in the moment.

You can use this with your mother, a colleague or your spouse. The basics don’t change. Try ALL of them and let us know what happens.

See ya soon,

THE HIM and Naaila