MCM: A Candid Look at the Unfair Expectations Placed on Men in Relationships

Ya’ll, there’s a story being told by the men in the village. It’s often unspoken, but deeply felt. Maybe even ignored at times. Men are getting hip to an imbalance being handed to them.

Men sense they are often expected to shoulder more burdens and suppress their feelings. They believe they’re expected to take the high road, to be the bigger person, even when they’re in the right.

Ladies, lemme find out! Could this be true? Stop playin’! It is.

Let’s look at a couple we work with… John, a dedicated man married to Layaan. When disagreements arise, John feels the weight of her expectation for him to back down, to maintain peace, even when he’s right. If Lisa is wrong, she wants to be met with gentleness. John doesn’t have access to this option. He’s a man so he should suck it up. Her actions are seemingly devoid of the same level of consequences John faces.

And, to bear the brunt of the situation without complaint!

He’s supposed to be okay even if Lisa doesn’t experience the natural outcomes of her actions. This dynamic, where the man is expected to bear more losses is something many men find unfair. They feel that just because they are men, it’s supposed to be cool.

And it isn’t.

Men, if you’re reading this and find your own experiences in John’s story, know you’re not alone. Many men feel this way. It’s important to bring these feelings into the light.

Fairness in a relationship isn’t about keeping score, but about mutual respect and understanding. It’s about acknowledging the validity of each other’s feelings and experiences.

If you’re feeling like you’re always expected to take the high road, open up with Bae. It’s not about winning or losing, but about understanding and growing together. Sound overwhelming? No worries. In a few sessions, we can facilitate this conversation for you. Let us know. It’s okay to express your feelings and to expect fairness in your relationship.

Tell us what you think. Let’s start a conversation about this, and work towards relationships where everyone feels heard, understood, and valued.

See ya soon,

Naaila

Tips To Long-Distance Relationships Like A Pro

We’re not wasting time! So far, tell us what you’ve heard about long-distance relationships you never considered from our prior blogs?

Today, let’s identify the potholes on the road of long-distance love. The first one – unclear communication about time spent together or connecting digitally. Dang! This is frustrating. Sometimes, you don’t know Bae had a bad day and needs your pep talk.

It can feel like emotional neglect when you don’t know when you’ll see or hear from Bae. You’re stuck in limbo. You could call, but you don’t want to be a bother or look thirsty! Be clear about what is considered regular contact.

Next up, a lack of boundaries is a no-no. Imagine navigating a road with all the one-way streets without any road signs. Chaos, right? That’s what a relationship without boundaries feels like – confusing and often leading nowhere good!

Lastly, there are unexpressed expectations. Ever tried to explain to a newcomer the difference between Peachtree Street, Peachtree Road, and Peachtree Circle in Atlanta? It’s tough!

Let’s navigate to a couple of fresh solutions!

Tip 1: Regularly take a relationship inventory. Discuss what’s working and what isn’t. Let’s say Susan and Mike decided to do this every month. They discovered Mike feels left out of Susan’s daily life. They decided to share their day’s highs and lows every evening, bridging the gap and relieving his feelings of neglect. Conversations make the difference!

Tip 2: Have a contingency plan for when things go wrong. Cause they will! Take Jamal and Fatima, for instance. They agreed if a planned video call couldn’t happen, they’d leave each other a sweet voicemail message. This maintains the connection and shows care. If you can’t do what you said you could do originally, offer another option.

Remember, folks, if you need a ‘roadside assistance’ for your relationship, we’re ready to guide you with professional, compassionate advice.

Long-distance love might feel like a marathon. With clear communication, solid boundaries, and regular check-ins, your relationship can stay as strong and vibrant! Fa sho!

Now, let’s talk about a tool as invaluable as a front-row seat at an NBA game, our premarital guide. This book is the ultimate playbook for your long-distance relationship. It’s divided into sections that cover all you need to know about love from afar: communication, setting boundaries, expressing expectations, and so much more.

This premarital guide is like your own personal relationship coach, on-call 24/7. It provides practical exercises and prompts to navigate relationship hurdles.

What’s more, it’s packed with real-life scenarios and success stories that’ll inspire you to keep going when the road gets tough. We know ya’ll don’t back down from a challenge.

If you’re ready to make your long-distance relationship legendary, this premarital guide is a must-have.

See ya soon,

THE HIM and Naaila

Caught In The Codependency Trap?

Caught in the Codependency Web: When ‘Us’ Becomes You

Today, we’re tackling a topic as complex and layered —codependency.  Codependency can be tricky, but don’t worry. We have and emotional GPS to guide you.

What’s the 411 on Codependency?

Well, simply put, it’s when you’re so tangled up in another person, partner, friend, or family you lose yourself in the process. It’s like when you’re trying to score those sweet tickets to the show or game and you’re so focused on getting the best seats you forget to pay rent on time. Not a good look…right?

Codependency is like that, but on steroids. It’s more than being overly invested or caring too much. We’re discussing a situation where your self-esteem, emotional well-being, and mental and physical health are tied up in another person’s problems or approval.

It’s like your happiness GPS is locked onto someone else’s destination. You get so wrapped up in this you forget who you are. Many will call this love, but when you abandon loving yourself for the sake of another…Nah.

Let’s keep it a hunnit! Recognizing codependency isn’t as easy as spotting the moon at night. You gotta look hard for it at times! Here are two tips to help you identify the signs:

  1. You’re always on rescue mode. You ever felt like you’re always trying to fix someone else’s problems, even when they don’t ask for help? Like you’re their personal superhero, but without the cool cape or the thank-you parade. Something tells you that you’re responsible. Welp, that’s a classic sign. You’re not their therapist. Their issues shouldn’t consume your life and the person can’t manage their life thru you.

  2. Your mood depends on their mood. If they’re having a bad day, suddenly you’re down in the dumps. Many will call this being an empath. This may be hard to hear, but having boundaries relieves some of the empath burden. On the other hand, if the person is all sunshine and rainbows, you’re walking on cloud nine. Your emotional state shouldn’t be a mirror of theirs. You are a different person with your own vibe.

How Does Codependency Impact Us?

Let’s say codependency is like driving on I285 in Atlanta in rush hour traffic. It can cause unnecessary stress, frustration, mental exhaustion and use up your fuel for life.

It keeps you from focusing on yourself because you’re too wrapped up in someone else’s issues. You might lose sight of your own goals, interests, and needs. Plus, it can also lead to a severe imbalance in relationships, leading to resentment, anger, and burnout.

Origins of Codependency

Now, where does this codependency behavior come from? It’s not something they teach in school, right? So how does it develop? Codependency often springs from upbringing. If you grew up in a home with a parent having a chronic illness, addiction, or  emotional expression was discouraged, you might have learned to prioritize others’ needs over your own. This pattern can persist into adulthood, leading to codependent relationships.

Overcoming Codependency

Real talk, overcoming codependency ain’t easy, but totally doable. Let’s give you a couple of tips:

1. Self-Education:

Knowledge can be empowering. It’s a crucial first step to overcoming codependency. Educate yourself about what codependency is, why it occurs, and how it impacts you.

There are countless books, articles, and online resources available. A couple of highly recommended books include “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie and “The New Codependency” by the same author. These resources offer insights into the roots of codependency, the behaviors that perpetuate it, and strategies for change.

2. Mindfulness and Meditation:

Mindfulness and meditation practices can be beneficial to overcome codependency. They promote self-awareness to stay in the present, rather than getting caught up in someone else’s emotions or problems.

By practicing mindfulness, you can learn to identify your own needs and feelings separately from the other person’s. You also learn to react less impulsively to situations, giving you the ability to establish healthier boundaries.

3. Hit us up for therapy.

Remember, you’re just as valuable, deserving, and worthy as the person you’re in a relationship with. There’s no need to sacrifice your happiness for someone else’s.

See ya soon,

THE HIM and Naaila