Caught in the Codependency Web: When ‘Us’ Becomes You

Today, we’re tackling a topic as complex and layered —codependency.  Codependency can be tricky, but don’t worry. We have and emotional GPS to guide you.

What’s the 411 on Codependency?

Well, simply put, it’s when you’re so tangled up in another person, partner, friend, or family you lose yourself in the process. It’s like when you’re trying to score those sweet tickets to the show or game and you’re so focused on getting the best seats you forget to pay rent on time. Not a good look…right?

Codependency is like that, but on steroids. It’s more than being overly invested or caring too much. We’re discussing a situation where your self-esteem, emotional well-being, and mental and physical health are tied up in another person’s problems or approval.

It’s like your happiness GPS is locked onto someone else’s destination. You get so wrapped up in this you forget who you are. Many will call this love, but when you abandon loving yourself for the sake of another…Nah.

Let’s keep it a hunnit! Recognizing codependency isn’t as easy as spotting the moon at night. You gotta look hard for it at times! Here are two tips to help you identify the signs:

1. You’re always on rescue mode. You ever felt like you’re always trying to fix someone else’s problems, even when they don’t ask for help? Like you’re their personal superhero, but without the cool cape or the thank-you parade. Something tells you that you’re responsible. Welp, that’s a classic sign. You’re not their therapist. Their issues shouldn’t consume your life and the person can’t manage their life thru you.

2. Your mood depends on their mood. If they’re having a bad day, suddenly you’re down in the dumps. Many will call this being an empath. This may be hard to hear, but having boundaries relieves some of the empath burden. On the other hand, if the person is all sunshine and rainbows, you’re walking on cloud nine. Your emotional state shouldn’t be a mirror of theirs. You are a different person with your own vibe.

How Does Codependency Impact Us?

Let’s say codependency is like driving on I285 in Atlanta in rush hour traffic. It can cause unnecessary stress, frustration, mental exhaustion and use up your fuel for life.

It keeps you from focusing on yourself because you’re too wrapped up in someone else’s issues. You might lose sight of your own goals, interests, and needs. Plus, it can also lead to a severe imbalance in relationships, leading to resentment, anger, and burnout.

Origins of Codependency

Now, where does this codependency behavior come from? It’s not something they teach in school, right? So how does it develop? Codependency often springs from upbringing. If you grew up in a home with a parent having a chronic illness, addiction, or  emotional expression was discouraged, you might have learned to prioritize others’ needs over your own. This pattern can persist into adulthood, leading to codependent relationships.

Overcoming Codependency

Real talk, overcoming codependency ain’t easy, but totally doable. Let’s give you a couple of tips:

1. Self-Education:

Knowledge can be empowering. It’s a crucial first step to overcoming codependency. Educate yourself about what codependency is, why it occurs, and how it impacts you.

There are countless books, articles, and online resources available. A couple of highly recommended books include “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie and “The New Codependency” by the same author. These resources offer insights into the roots of codependency, the behaviors that perpetuate it, and strategies for change.

2. Mindfulness and Meditation:

Mindfulness and meditation practices can be beneficial to overcome codependency. They promote self-awareness to stay in the present, rather than getting caught up in someone else’s emotions or problems.

By practicing mindfulness, you can learn to identify your own needs and feelings separately from the other person’s. You also learn to react less impulsively to situations, giving you the ability to establish healthier boundaries.

3. Hit us up for therapy.

Remember, you’re just as valuable, deserving, and worthy as the person you’re in a relationship with. There’s no need to sacrifice your happiness for someone else’s.

See ya soon,

THE HIM and Naaila