Couples often have an excuse for delaying marriage counseling. We’ve heard, “I’m working on my health right now. Once I get it right, I know my marriage will be better.” You’ve surely been exercising your right to unfair arguments, name calling and being pissed at random! A surefire way to add weight and physiological trauma to a troubled marriage. Another quite popular is, “We want to try to fix it ourselves.” Ya’ll have been doing a great job of trashing each other’s sandcastles and then throwing the dirt. Surely, at some point, you can fix this also. Maybe you’ll move on to throwing mud pies versus sand! Ineffective!
We also heard, “It’s Ramadan. We want to see what this month does for us.” This would have been more believable had the couple been muslim, but if January-December doesn’t heal your marriage, why not try Ramadan! Yeahhh….right. When the month of Ramadan ends, if you behave the way you do the remainder of the year, tap out now!
Meanwhile, each delay means another moment of broken promises, ongoing lack of trust and recreating another opportunity to tell someone you love them while hurting them. Each of you has vowed to change, to try and to consider the other person more. No one admits they don’t believe this statement as soon as it is spoken. So, you remain in a painful place, without a remedy, having random moments of good sex, laughter with the kids and ongoing internal disdain for one another. There are better places to wake up at everyday and yet, you continue. ((Scratches head)) What makes this so disgustingly sad, is folks continue to hope something will change without any path or plan for it. Miracles do occur, but you’ll have better luck if you make a personal request from God and put in work!
Postponing your duty to your marriage will not make room for the changes to occur. Even when neither or only one of you desires counseling, the effort will be necessary. Something few ever say, but it’s as real as smog and hot breath in Atlanta, which is, you may be afraid. Whooo! Take a deep breath. Hold it. Put your hands on your knees and breath again. Fear is a mug! It will hold you back from many things, including the happiness you keep promising to your life.
It comes down to this…How much are you willing to put in so you, and your husband/wife, can have their needs met? Rescheduling your answer won’t change what you need to do. Make your miracle happen by starting on it now.