Three Things Marriage Counseling Isn’t Meant To Do

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Many folks need counseling and even more folks who need it refuse to go. Within this pool of folks, there are couples who need major “Oh-Ma-Gawd” help for their marriages and relationships. Even less  will plunge into the deep end of marriage or couples counseling. A few couples may be brave enough to get their feet wet. These will be the ones who will attend counseling with “Games of Thrones-like” valor.

As we tell you what marriage counseling is not intended for, this first one is unique to us, Hasan and Naa’ila. Someone else may tell you the same thing, especially after we do, but for us, we insist upon operating with what we have laid out here.

  1. Marriage Counseling isn’t to be a place to mediate your problems each week. This is special and time-sensitive meetings with your counselors. Yes. COUNSELORS. with an “s”. With us, we tag team our couples counselings. You work with each of us. Counseling sessions aren’t a place to rehash or to retell the events, incidents, demographics, names and screenshots of history that got you in counseling. We do not want you to come to us to waste your time being storytellers and griots. After hearing about 2-3 incidents, we’ve got it. Indeed, we will never grasp the true depths of the pain and hurt the relationship or person has caused you. We don’t try to do so. We want to get a good glimpse of how you got there. Telling fifty-eleven stories that happened during the course of your 2, 12 or 22 year relationship will not ensure a deeper understanding of your overwhelming hurt. What it will do is cause us to consume the valuable time we have in our counseling sessions to help the two of you improve.If we didn’t care how long you remained in counseling, and sought to get your coins as long as we can, this would be ideal. This is not what we do this for. Our goal is to use old school wit and clinical interventions to get you and Bae where you want to be.
  2. Marriage Counseling isn’t to be a place to mediate problems weekly. Sure, there’ll be times when a couple comes to a counseling session with a bone to pick and meat stuck in between their teeth from the fight that began 2 days ago. We’re sympathetic to this and will gladly assist. Often, folks are in counseling due to their inability to resolve problems, old, new, past or current. These can be teachable moments. For us, each week, we plan for you to build onto the skill set we agree upon. Each session will increase your ability to practice this skill with Bae outside of sessions. We can’t do this if we’re putting out fires each week.
    Thus, you won’t find us beginning our sessions with the question, “So, what do you want to talk about this week?” We will have a plan for you.
  3. Marriage Counseling isn’t to be a whipping stick. There will be times one person will tell the other, “I don’t want to talk about this until we get to the counseling session!” Refer to Number 2. There will be arguments requiring you to table the issue until you get to us. However, using counseling sessions as a place to snitch or tattle tale on each other is not productive.
    When you give your partner the silent treatment until you get to counseling…or you won’t pay any bills until you get to counseling…or you have your nose stuck up in the air until you get to counseling…counseling begins to feel like a spanking over the knee.

You don’t have to fear coming to counseling and we don’t bite. Counseling will have scary moments and times of discomfort, but smooth waters don’t make good sailors.

This is how you grow and love better. Wouldn’t it feel good to be able to able to go to counseling and not be afraid of your name being tarnished? You can. How long will you wait for your problems to disappear by themselves? Cough…Cough…Not gonna happen! We know great things have happened for you in your life and God is a miracle worker, but even He looks for levels of effort.

Click here and ask an anonymous question to get rid of the anxiety you have about, “How much is all of this gonna cost me?”

Show your willing to put your money where your mouth is.

 

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