“Don't worry about a thing,every little thing is gonna be alright” (1)

When your heart hurts, the things that come out of your mouth, may not make sense. You may even say downright painful things, such as, “If he would take me, I would go back…I know he wasn’t good for me, but I want to be with him.”

What causes someone to consent to this type of pain? Who consciously seeks to hurt this way again and again? How does a friend help you through this.  It is hard to hear someone talk about the mistakes they made in a relationship where they have just been dragged through the mud and then rolled in dust! Very often, as a loving buddy, we become angry, and try to “Un-bish slap” our girlfriends back to existence! It may not work when a heart is broken, because other parts are also broken. People showed up to the relationship with a bunch of unaddressed, unspoken and unresolved hurt. Somehow, this new beau was going to love it away. It didn’t matter that the new beau was incapable of giving, or being a receptacle, of love.

What has happened is a life event, a relationship with a man, has filled in the gaps of an unmet need. The aim was to be self-serving and to use this gap to for selfish motives, for his own gain. But can we get mad at him? Sure! As long as we look at out own contribution to the situation. He did what you allowed him to do. He appeared because you showed up broken, empty and unrepaired. You have a responsibility to yourself to work on your stuff. No one requires perfection, and those who do, we have a few choice labels for them also! Normal folks enjoy the entertainment a quirk or two brings to a relationship!

Until you learn to select good people around you, versus settling for whatever or whomever presents themselves, this will be your pattern. You will write the script for this scene again. The names will change. You will continue being a character, a minute one, in your own life. Thus sucks! No one should have a minor supporting role in their own life. A black woman can get more than this at the Oscars!
Own your life and look for correction, spiritual guidance and the counsel of elders.

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