Hmmm…So folks believe going to a member of the clergy before marriage, 1-3 times, is premarital counseling. Ohh…ok.
Even in a marriage, pot holes can be in found on religious roads. Sunday, we met with a couple planning to divorce, but wanted know how to incorporate religious tenements, co-parenting, a realistic divorce timeline and do all of it around the pending end of a rental lease. We presented the real and raw conditions of the mess they got themselves in, what could be done to remain in the dwelling while working on the marriage with us and meet their religious conditions. BOOM!
And what did they say? “Our (religious leader) did not tell us any of this…”
We weren’t surprised. The clergy gives religious and spiritual advice, as they should. The clergy doesn’t always dig deep enough to learn, “Is what I’m saying applicable and realistic for this person/couples life…Can they do this in real time?”
No. But we do.
Most who go to the clergy rarely get premarital counseling. The premarital advice may be sound and be a guide to a paved road to GLORY!
If we had a brick for every couple in marriage counseling with us who had been to “premarital counseling” with their pastor or imam, we could rebuild the yellow brick road!
THE HIM & I created & teach our own 6-week, State of Georgia-approved, premarital course covering eight “I-Didn’t-Even-Think-About-That” areas. But for right now, we’re gonna give you some premarital info to help you navigate these heart highways:
1. Don’t go to premarital counseling because you PLAN to marry. 👰🏽🤵🏻Use premarital counseling to decide if ya’ll SHOULD marry each other.
2. Don’t wait until you have a wedding date, cake, dowry & the giggles to set up premarital counseling. If you do, you want premarital advice, not premarital counseling. There’s a difference! You can get good advice from a member of the clergy, married mentor or an elder. With premarital counseling, ya’ll may change or cancel that date!
3. Do not lie or embellish the truth to prevent heartache or out of fear someone won’t marry you if they know learn a previously unknown truth about you. Divorce causes more pain. 😔
4. Accept recommendations given by the premarital counselor. If you know you ain’t trying to hear it 🚫& your mind is made up, really think this through. Real talk…counseling is not meant to tell you what to do. You’re grown! However…a counselor isn’t there to lie to you because you paid them either. At least THE HIM & I don’t…
5. Know you may learn surprising 😳😔😖 information about the other person in the premarital process. Use a counselor who provides individual sessions, for each of you, so you can recover from the shock attacks you may get on the heart highway!
6. Be open! Don’t limit your thinking. Limited thinking limits your options! And we’ll guide you to the doors of LOVE Thang opportunities! You deserve a solid plan for a happy marriage.
Believe it. Act like it. Hook up right before marrying wrong!
THE HIM & Naa’ila
“Ossie & Ruby Dee of Marriage Counseling”