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You Can Get Trapped Into Being A GOOD WIFE!

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3 BUM RUSH WAYS YOU DAMAGE YOURSELF

Nobody loves you better than you…right? Danggone LIE! Many struggle with having a good relationship with self. This arises from many reasons. The struggle with self-compassion may be due to learned behavior, mental health issues that we’ve swept rolled up into the rug and put the rug in the garage or you have this awesomely damaging love-hate relationship with yourself that you can’t seem to balance. There are 3 ways this overwhelming inner battle will show up in your daily life.

  1. You tell yourself, and everyone else, “This is the way I am.” This overly complacent statement means you’ve dug a hole for yourself, climbed into it & have no plans of coming out regardless of the season, snakes or temperature! Making a conscious decision not to seek growth or to reduce deficits means you’ve no intent on changing, adulting with ongoing development and you expect people to repeat the mantra after you, “This is the way you are…” Your hope is others will hear and recite your mantra enough to believe it also and will subsequently not call you out on your stuff.
  2. You spar with obtaining balance in your life. Your moments are either good or bad…black and white…famished or full…lazy or overworked…too early or last minute. The Spartan-like battle of trying to secure an alleged “normal” middle of the road routine and structure feels out of reach for you. 58c05efa1d000037037cd491.jpegYou  see stability in the far off future…and you watch, without alarm, as it loses its equilibrium and crashes into your life! On a regular. Leaving pieces of random sizes for you to pick up, to save for a Goodwill donation or to use for a crafting class you’ve been meaning to start, but never have, but you know you could do it. Yeah…You may even do things you know are not good for you, but for whatever reason, seem to fit into the exact minute you’re considering it. Forget what this choice may do to your life long-term. Who really knows what the future holds anyway? And you go for it with, full force ahead, with a fleet of mental energy, a calvary of Arabian horses and no full thought or clear plan.
  3. Overthinking is not something you do. You live this way. You think, rethink and review those thoughts again and then think about what someone else said about something similar that you’re thinking. You confuse yourself, but you’re not quite sure if you’re confused because you must think this through. The only way to secure full transparency, and to make the best decision, is to consider, to reconsider, to reassess what you reconsidered and then to restart. The worst possible situation could occur, and God forbid, you’re not prepared for any possible scenario, script or playback. pause-button-e1376172552682.jpg rehearse everything that could happen in your mind to prepare for it. Being able to create every possible likely pending event, is impossible, so you’ve been told, but is that really true? Let’s think about that for a moment. Or two. Okay. 5 minutes. Just 5…Hmmm…You need more time for this one. Then, your thoughts begin to feel scary, because the thoughts won’t stop coming.

These three steps lock you in to self-damaging behavior, but you can break FREE. Personal growth doesn’t have to be scary, done overnight or completed alone. Counseling, a coach or an elder can get you through.

Going from one extreme to the other feels paralyzing and will have you doubting yourself. Everything in life doesn’t have to be a baby step or a grand gesture. Being steady in your lifestyle choices gives you the room to recover when life throws a monkey wrench and a whole monkey at you!

Thinking about what you’re thinking about, as well as what you’re going to do about No. 1 and No 2 listed above, will cause you to need sick days at work you do not have! This feels mentally exhausting, but you may not be able to control it. Get professional support to learn to be present…whatever the heck that means! Find ways to calm unrealistic fears and to figure out how to let those thoughts live without taking over your life.

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How To Avoid the High Costs of Meeting Someone Online: What Is Your Marriage Budget?

Before you marry, know your marriage budget. This isn’t about how much you can spend for a wedding, reception or for invitations. This marriage budget is about how much  your heart can afford to take or to lose. A heart is a sensitive resource and the cost of its repair requires a great deal of time, effort, tears, ice cream at 2 am and maybe even counseling. No one wants to pay this!

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We’re going to look at some basic requirements and actions needed when meeting someone online to reduce heart repair or damage!

1. Ask yourself, how much time and cash flow you have to invest to know if someone meets your criteria. If you cannot afford to travel to Timbuktu, quit following and liking the pics of the Timbuktu heart slayers on social media! If your Southwest Rapid Rewards will not let you be great enough to access Timbuktu love, then keep your love within a 2-block radius of what you have the capacity to do. Keep your love in your vicinity!

If your job does not allow you to take time off at this time to visit the Timbuktu Love Of Your Life, then consider local loves. Look a lil harder when you go to the grocery store. What about the man who always repairs your car? He’s kinda cute!

2. It only requires the cost of the internet or your already-paid cellphone bill to connect, to run game, to meet, to begin liking and to talk with someone online. A heart has much higher expenditures. In today’s technological world, you can virtually date someone in Turkey this Friday night and not speak Turkey-talk at all! However, your love language needs to be able to verbalize itself and to communicate correctly. Just because you can meet native Turkish citizens, Kemal and Ayse online, and talk for days, it does not mean your heart needs to invest in Tuonline_0.jpgrkish love. You don’t even have a passport! This contact will go no further than Instagram and Facebook. This isn’t fair to anyone at all.

It costs to do your due diligence to meet a person,  to see their home so you can know how a person lives, to meet their family and to go to the city the person resides in if she/he isn’t local to you. In addition, premarital counseling outranks many of the actions you can take to learn if this person is able to devote their life to paying the costs to loving you for life. Go HERE to get the help needed to make this happen. Wouldn’t it feel great to not only be in love, getting married, but to have a “shout-it-all-out” type of security about your partner? You can.

If you cannot afford the travel costs and time required to to court someone, OFFLINE, you cannot afford to marry this person.

Using your limited funds with cash and time as an excuse to not follow through with the basics for marriage means you exceeded your marriage budget. Stay within what you have the capacity to allow your time, money and heart to do.

A Lovestruck Letter

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This is an open letter to our men. The sentiments expressed will not be for everyone, but if your heart twitches…you turn your head sideways…an old memory comes up for you…or you know exactly how this feels cause you’ve smelled it before, let us know!

A Love Letter to Our Men…

Brothers, the intensity observed from women is our disappointment. We are forced to respond to you as we are under your charge. We seek to love and to marry you. We seek your leadership. We seek you to father our children. We want the same good for you we have sought for ourselves, including higher education, jobs & to be held by you at night.

It is difficult to listen to the one I seek to lead me to tell me why he has lapsed in another area. It is hard to hear how the “system” prevents you from being a present parent as we mother your children daily. It is hard to hear how a criminal history blocks you when you made the choice & abandoned us within our community in exchange for the streets. It is hard to hear how we ignore your struggle as we tearfully cry over mug shots, care for your kids, support you through limitations & seek comfort from another man, in your absence, while still loving you.

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We want to know you seek to do better & not hear your bitterness. We’ve been buying & borrowing sugar for the house & kids all the while. Add the essence & flavor only a man can so we can all reap from the benefit God intended for you.- Naa’ila © 2013