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WARNING:High Stress Zone- A Sexless Marriage

Married and no sex. For months or years.

There are folks you know who smile, stay coupled up publicly & display the standard “usie” on social media, but hardly speak, sleep in separate beds & have a sexless marriage. Marriage without benefits begins well before entering the bedroom.

warning-no-intercourse.jpg believe it’s because of infidelity. Not always. Your spouse can become so disappointed in who you’ve presented yourself to be that they lose sexual interest in you. Don’t be so quick to blame the lack of sexual interest on another person. It really may be because you have a stank attitude that your partner is tired of smelling!

Hasan & I have heard many say, “Had I known he/she was like this, I wouldn’t have married him/her.” The reality of what the relationship requires can feel overwhelming. You don’t have to feel stuck by not knowing the small steps to begin recovery. Professional help or advice from an elder can bring your sexy back!

Another reason for no red hot lights in the bedroom is due to resentment from a buildup of issues. When no one knows how to fix or to recover from problems, the love bulb goes very dim. When you feed the same problems for years & years, people become mad, hold grudges & lose sight of what to do with the emotions. Sex is one form of stress relief. Remove sex & stress increases as well as the frustration from your marital issues.

Lastly, many have never seen balanced healthy affection & have no idea how give intimacy or to respond it. You may have a spouse who has never witnessed adults give a quick kiss, give gifts or hold hands just because. While these seem like easy skills to learn, remember easy isn’t easy for everyone. The display of love has to be taught.

Don’t let the facade of a good love life be your reality. Do the work to create real sexy love.

Did I Marry You?

We all look for and speak of the joys of marriage. There are many of them. Ok…Done talking about those for the day!

why

When we are honest about human behavior and expectations, we can be better prepared for the realistic moments that arise. For example…Wait! This isn’t an example. This is the real ISH no one talks about unless they want to be honest with you. Now, back to the example, which really is a real life scenario married couples experience!

Marriage brings out, displays and is a perfect stage for character flaws. You love this person immensely. Your marriage is great until all hell breaks lose at random intervals in life.  Many people admire your husband or wife, but you see and know behaviors, habits and incidents you’ve shared with no one, with the exception of a Marriage Counselor or Member of the Clergy, if it has gone this far. And you didn’t tell them everything! The great husband is also the man who had emotional affairs online until your first child was born. You knew the name “Honey Baked” was not about ham because he’s been vegan for years. He isn’t even good at not being the great guy others believe him to be! She “stretches the truth” about how you monitor her spending, to your disadvantage, to save face in front of others. You suck it up, keep your eyes on the bank account and her debit card.   Your lovely wife is the same woman who can’t balance a soccer ball or a budget and caused you to file for bankruptcy. Your spouse has an awful temperament when angry, which they save for you, and only you! A gift you would gladly decline if given the chance.

You continue to live with this person and to increase in love over the years. If this were a colleague, business partner or friend, you would reconsider the relationship, implement distance between you or dissolve contact. Marriage isn’t designed for this option. It requires us to look at the totality of the person and forgive them. We make excuses for character flaws and look for that which we like that helps to sustain the marriage, parenting and family.

Consider the events and habits you overlook in your relationships. Name a few in the comments. Share ways  you continue to find benefit in creating a life with this person.