Beginners Guide to A Trauma Bond

 

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A trauma bond is often a confusing term. Many have assumed it is merely a connection based on a traumatic event. However, this is not the case.

When Patrick Carnes created the term trauma bond, he defined it as the misuse of fear, excitement, and sexual feelings used to entrap or entangle another person.”

In simpler terms, the abuser has good moments of love that reinstate the victim’s feelings of hope and faith in the relationship.

However, this vicious cycle of abuse followed by hope for change creates a trauma bond relationship.

Escaping a trauma bond is difficult because of the heightened feeling of obligation to care for this person. The victim is blamed by the abuser for the relationship struggles or for not helping them get better. Thus, the victim can’t walk away.

In the attached video, the young lady chooses men with emotional deficits because growing up, her primary caregivers abandoned her. This man has told her to be patient while he continues his investment in all things except her. And she agreed. While waiting, she is devoid of a bond. She is committed in an uncommitted relationship. It’s all she knows to do.

She has a role to play here. Many have acted as she does. When the relationship ended, you swore the other person was a “narcissist.” You never considered it was about you and your repetitive compulsion to meet your unmet needs with familiar, but emotionally ill-equipped folks.

There are several signs to look for within a relationship to determine if it is a trauma bond.

Signs of a trauma bond are:

1. Intermittent cycles of abuse followed by hopeful, loving periods of temporary change

2. Power imbalances

3. You defend the person’s bad behaviors

4. You remain loyal even to your detriment

5. You protect anyone from correcting the person mistreating you

The victim puts up with the endless promises of change, apologies and blow ups. This is because they have moments where their hope is up due to the abuser says all the right things.

The reality of the cycle never changes. Yet, the hope stays. Tell us your thoughts about this one.

See ya soon,

That Clay Couple