You don’t believe it, but God is pleased with you.

God was pleased when you sat in discomfort when He didn’t answer your prayer right away.

You don’t believe it, but God is pleased with you.

God was pleased when you went back to school and you trusted He’d pay the tuition.

You don’t believe it, but God is pleased with you.

God was pleased when you got the divorce because He never told you to marry that person, but He allowed you to.

You don’t believe it, but God is pleased with you.

God was pleased when you didn’t defend your child because your child needed that lesson.

You don’t believe it, but God is pleased with you.

God was pleased when you took care of your mother by yourself and watched other family members walk away.

You don’t believe it, but God is pleased with you.

God was pleased when you left that job cause it was never good for your faith and He pays your bills.

You don’t believe it, but God is pleased with you.

God was pleased when you took care of your health because your body deserves honor.

You don’t believe it, but God is pleased with you.

When you stayed up at night crying and praying, He knew you knew loving Him is #squadGoals.

You don’t believe it, but God is pleased with you.

Hard moments and hard choices can bring God closer even when it doesn’t feel like it.
We’ll believe it for you until you can. 

Let us clear our throats for this one. We want to make sure folks hear and hear good. Lean in closer. Lil’ closer.

Ok. That’s good! Many believe the marriage retreat coming up any nothin’ the community needs. We gon’ tell the truth. Every community needs it, but the Black community has a need so big it reaches underground level.
We need to put this retreat on CD’s and sell them at the barber shop. The kick back, clap back and roll back like Walmart, all equaling divorce, flow like the plague. There is an antidote. You don’t even need ObamaCare to get it!

It’s all within you!

This video make the connect to the #marriageretreat we’re hosting with Imam Shadeed Muhammad. You don’t wanna miss the reasons behind it. It is “Shut-Yo-Mouf” real!

Learn more here. https://www.facebook.com/events/1172101806259299/?ti=icl

Even if you don’t go to the retreat, what OOPS! action are parents passing on to grown children? Parents, we gotta do more than food, clothing and shelter for our children. They grow up and take their gaps, bigger than Michael Strahan’s cute gap. Google him and see what we talkin’ bout!

Ok…take a sneak peek at retreat topics, such as, “How are you missing the good behaviors during #engagement that jack you up in the marriage?” You get the “how right now”, but not the “What-Chu-Should-Not-Do” info here.

Trust us! It’s something in this video for you or someone ya know!

Wanna know about err’thang the whole weekend so these 3 reasons can miss you with that? The ways to neutralize the toxins is in that link right there.
https://www.facebook.com/events/1172101806259299/permalink/1194283050707841/

What are you waiting for? Time’s a ticking!
Online options for the retreat are coming! TBA. You thought we didn’t think about the villagers at home? Nah Bruh! We got chu too!
#ThatClayCouple #Rawdah

It was a normal evening of counseling clients, managing social media content, coaching teens to obedience, dinner, talking and me flirting with him in between the social media content. Then, Hasan sat down and said, “Baby, I’m blind.”
I didn’t know what to say. He’s been blind for a few years now. This was not new information, but in this moment, we were having a different experience with one another. I wanted to say, “Ok….” and punctuate this one word sentence with a deep sigh at the end. But that didn’t feel right in my common sense and in my spirit. Seconds were passing.

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I couldn’t google nothing captivating to say and what is the keyword for, “He said he was blind and now what do I say?”

He was blind, but he could still tell time. I needed to give the man something from me and it needed to be some really good viral content! The three words he spoke to me deserved a locked and loaded response concentrated with hope and resilience. And I didn’t have ish to say.

So, I said, “Yes, Baby you are. We don’t understand this overwhelming test. We just know we have one heck of a pop quiz on our hands and we trust in God’s infinite wisdom to let us get from this test all that we need to.”

Hasan said, “Ameen.”

Then, his words were as silent as his eyes have been for some time now.

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Seconds later, he arose to sit next to me with totally new, random and unrelated conversation. He was still blind, but in that “We-In-This” moment, he and I saw what we needed. We could clearly envision poppin’ up with emotionally intense topics the other person is completely unprepared for and feel unjudged and with a friend.

You don’t need eyesight for this kind of loving feeling. To hear more about our story and to get your own unseen love seen by only the two of you, SEE US. 

Husbands and wives require many things for a marriage to work. We can name a few such as mutual respect, transparency, not sharing nude pics with another person, supporting the goals of the other person, good regular sex, displaying mercy to one another and the sliding in like a superhero with lil’ random acts of kindness. Ahh, everyday isn’t perfect. We hit or miss one or three of those every now or then. However, intentional folks will come back to the good acts of marriage they overlooked within time, preferably a really short period of time.

older couple

And then there are the other folks. The folks who treat their husband or wives worse than a stranger on the street. Failing to give a greeting in the morning, offering a nice compliment or assisting someone with a task is something one would do for a co-worker. For what reason does your colleague get the lil goodies of behavior from you that your spouse doesn’t?
Have you been smiling at random people in the grocery story lately? Your husband or wife deserves to see all of your teeth behind stretched lips even more than this stranger. Did you pick up something for someone or offer to do something for someone cause, “It’s really no problem at all.” Your spouse deserves something even greater.

Now, the problem is your husband or wife has likely done something to piss you off, to cause your heart to harden or to care less at this point whether or not they can find the orange juice in the fridge. How do you get through these moments and change the relationship narrative? Nothing changes the incidents that got you where they are. It is what it is.  Did you choose to marry someone who has no good in them?

shock.jpgNada? Not a drop?

We’re gonna tell ya our true thought, that says a lot about you. We’re gonna give you the side eye about your selection process cause it’s defective. We’ve got a remedy for that also. Tell ya single friends. You’s “muh-reid nah. So, we gotta go into recovery and repair mode for you.

For now, we’ll think good of you too and trust you didn’t marry a complete butthole and your partner has a twinkling and two teaspoons of good in him or her.

What you can do is make the decision to see the good in the person and not function from a position of fear. Look for good in the other person and really give some thought to what keeps you holding on to this negativity. What good does it do you? Negativity does nothing for your edges, your pocket book or your faith. So, what’s the point?

Before being a husband and wife, your spouse deserves the same humane kindness you would give stranger or a person at your place of worship. Familiarity breeds contempt. The longer you live with a person, you’ll have many, ” What You Not Gon’ Do…” moments or “Really? Is that where you are now?” You’ll learn the other person faults. When you find out your spouse can’t pick out produce as good as the cutie pie at the Farmer’s Market, it can be a bummer. Or, your husband or wife doesn’t always tell you the truth. Or, they continue to be dismissive of you as you talk to them. You may need to call on the big dawgs for relationship help. 
Yeah, the kindness and mercy weans off. And giving the best of you to folks who have hurt you less seems easier.
This is your beautiful challenge. You get to be the better person even when it doesn’t feel the best. Your marriage is a platform to practicimages.jpege mercy and kindness on a higher level. If you feel confused about where to start, it’s ok. Wouldn’t it feel good to get unstuck? However, if you know if you make the bed in the morning and heat the water for hot coffee, your spouse will be happy, shocked as all get out, but happy, then, do it.

Whatever they did in the past won’t change, but you can.

Nobody loves you better than you…right? Danggone LIE! Many struggle with having a good relationship with self. This arises from many reasons. The struggle with self-compassion may be due to learned behavior, mental health issues that we’ve swept rolled up into the rug and put the rug in the garage or you have this awesomely damaging love-hate relationship with yourself that you can’t seem to balance. There are 3 ways this overwhelming inner battle will show up in your daily life.

  1. You tell yourself, and everyone else, “This is the way I am.” This overly complacent statement means you’ve dug a hole for yourself, climbed into it & have no plans of coming out regardless of the season, snakes or temperature! Making a conscious decision not to seek growth or to reduce deficits means you’ve no intent on changing, adulting with ongoing development and you expect people to repeat the mantra after you, “This is the way you are…” Your hope is others will hear and recite your mantra enough to believe it also and will subsequently not call you out on your stuff.
  2. You spar with obtaining balance in your life. Your moments are either good or bad…black and white…famished or full…lazy or overworked…too early or last minute. The Spartan-like battle of trying to secure an alleged “normal” middle of the road routine and structure feels out of reach for you. 58c05efa1d000037037cd491.jpegYou  see stability in the far off future…and you watch, without alarm, as it loses its equilibrium and crashes into your life! On a regular. Leaving pieces of random sizes for you to pick up, to save for a Goodwill donation or to use for a crafting class you’ve been meaning to start, but never have, but you know you could do it. Yeah…You may even do things you know are not good for you, but for whatever reason, seem to fit into the exact minute you’re considering it. Forget what this choice may do to your life long-term. Who really knows what the future holds anyway? And you go for it with, full force ahead, with a fleet of mental energy, a calvary of Arabian horses and no full thought or clear plan.
  3. Overthinking is not something you do. You live this way. You think, rethink and review those thoughts again and then think about what someone else said about something similar that you’re thinking. You confuse yourself, but you’re not quite sure if you’re confused because you must think this through. The only way to secure full transparency, and to make the best decision, is to consider, to reconsider, to reassess what you reconsidered and then to restart. The worst possible situation could occur, and God forbid, you’re not prepared for any possible scenario, script or playback. pause-button-e1376172552682.jpg rehearse everything that could happen in your mind to prepare for it. Being able to create every possible likely pending event, is impossible, so you’ve been told, but is that really true? Let’s think about that for a moment. Or two. Okay. 5 minutes. Just 5…Hmmm…You need more time for this one. Then, your thoughts begin to feel scary, because the thoughts won’t stop coming.

These three steps lock you in to self-damaging behavior, but you can break FREE. Personal growth doesn’t have to be scary, done overnight or completed alone. Counseling, a coach or an elder can get you through.

Going from one extreme to the other feels paralyzing and will have you doubting yourself. Everything in life doesn’t have to be a baby step or a grand gesture. Being steady in your lifestyle choices gives you the room to recover when life throws a monkey wrench and a whole monkey at you!

Thinking about what you’re thinking about, as well as what you’re going to do about No. 1 and No 2 listed above, will cause you to need sick days at work you do not have! This feels mentally exhausting, but you may not be able to control it. Get professional support to learn to be present…whatever the heck that means! Find ways to calm unrealistic fears and to figure out how to let those thoughts live without taking over your life.