Coping With Not Having Hugs


Hello You,

It’s another day and another month of the pandemic.

Another one. And there was another one. And another one. Many believed after the first lockdown, we’d resume our normal lives. It hasn’t happened in its entirety.

Naa’ila hasn’t seen her mother, except virtually, for a year now. She speaks of missing her smell and her touch. This type of loss feeling lonely and isolating.

Precautions must be taken for the elderly and vulnerable populations. On the other hand, there are young adults using their own standards for interacting with others. This can be hard  when you want to hang out with friends and they decline. Or, when you want to meet with friends, but you have your own preventative measures urging you to stay home.

While these principles make sense to you, it hurts. The separation can cause depression, anxiety and feelings of grief.

Many choose to remain in touch virtually with video calls. This surely helps. Naaila has seen her mother a few times via video. While this was heartwarming it also served as a reminder of not being able to see her. Thus, the blessing was bittersweet also.

During this time, give your sadness a voice. Say how you feel to those you love and miss. This experience is a form of grief for the loss of the life you once had. Admit how you feel. Believe it or not, this also gives others the consent to speak their feelings also.

Until we get to give each of you a good Southern hug, please be safe.

See you soon,

Hasan and Naaila

16 Free Pages of Marriage Words of Wisdom – You Want One?

What chu doin’?


In our neck of the woods, we’ve staying healthy, working, loving on each other, flexing with new counseling certifications and Hasan had another surgery.
This means we’re blessed.

Everyone in our home is alive, waking up on the same spiritual path and on speaking terms! That’s sayin’ alot!

We got a few things for our married and unmarried folks coming through. Unmarried folks, your “Aw Shucks!” gift comes next month. Everyone, please move back and give the stage to this goodie-packed content.

Couples, at the end of the day, err’body wants to feel safe with their spouse, loved by their spouse and to not get riled up by some unnecessary bull! #MarriageGoals!

We tossed around an idea for guidance on how to apply small steps we teach in a compact, but not too overwhelming, 7-Day journal. If you could feel like more cuddling and a coolness to your eyes more often when you saw your spouse, would that interest you?

We’re all for keeping our busy lives running without a hitch, but to not add hiccups between us.

Hit that link! You’ll find “A Weeks Worth Of UnContested Love” Couples Journal.

There’s one hitch! It’s always a catch ain’t it? Please tell us about the conversations created and the pop-up moments evolving from using the journal.

Thank you much,

Hasan “THE HIM” & Naa’ila

How Your Response to Responsibility Kills A Relationship


There’s something we need to talk about out here on these Heart Highways. There’s this mistaken belief that if you were the one who did the wrong, more responsibility for the relationship falls on you. Because of this rumor, there are literally thousands of couples operating from the position of “Not me! You did it.”

Folks believe, as long as they’re not the one who “did it”, there’s less for to do.

For example…Your spouse did something to hurt you. We agree your spouse needs to make amends, show remorse, learn what reassurance looks like to you and offer it to you. However, how you show up in this process plays a big role in every step of the relationship.

Consider this. How you receive their apology and remorse makes a difference. Shaming or judging someone reduces the integrity of their good intent.

The bottom line is the relationship needs your care and responsibility. It doesn’t matter whose fault it is!

When you truly think about your relationship from a sustainable perspective, you’ll begin to realize loving another person requires being loving even when you may not want to be. This is a huge responsibility to take on.

You won’t get marriage without hard moments, difficult conversations, having assumptions challenged or feeling some “kinda way”. It ain’t realistic. This is the place where rumors begin, unrealistic corners.

If your spouse is the one putting in the overtime effort due to his or her blooper, and get no acceptance of their good intent, they’ll wanna quit! Keep them encouraged to do right by you by being responsible for the relationship.

But you don’t get to sit back and to bask in their efforts and do nothing! Be relationship responsible.

Talk to you soon,

Hasan “THE HIM” and Naaila

Say Bye-Bye To Bad Words

Soo… we’ve had another busy week working with the Love Thang Village. Our folks are the best ever.  Being even better is waiting for you. Last week, we had laughs, ah-ha moments and love connections, but beyond that…one thing became eye-opening for us.


You see anyone can make love promises, say the right words at the right moment, but can you do this when you’re mad too? Where are your “Bae Buzz Words” when you need to show up in a situation where your spouse is showing out!

Your voice needs to sound right.

Your words have to feel right…right then.

Your face needs to look right.

You gotta generate a safe moment for your spouse to have a good experience with you despite ya’ll having a show down.

Here’s a few unproductive communication habits to be on the lookout for:

1. Trying to convince the other person you’re right. You end up going back and forth arguing or repeating the same position over and over again. It ain’t worth it. You don’t have to agree. Two opinions can exist at the same time.

2. Offering advice. Before you do anything else, listen. You could be completely wrong!

3. Immediately seeking to reassure the other person. Shocked by this one? Look, if you jump right into offering support, you can get accused of not wanting to understand or lacking empathy. Leave the floor open for the person to state where they are. Your consoling words can wait until they’re finished! This can be a way for you to create an experience with your spouse, during a sensitive matter, you never thought you could do! This is a “Don’t-Wanna-Miss-This” situation.

Please, give some real though and consideration to the type of experience you’re creating for yourself and the other person in this impressionable moments.

Give it some thought. Let us know how it works out for ya.

Talk to you soon,

Hasan “THE HIM” and Naa’ila

SLICK Ways To Be Better Without Being Extra

It’s January  2021. Give God all the praise. Somebody did not make it. You did!

Somebody doesn’t have good health. You do!

Somebody doesn’t feel like smiling. You can!

Somebody doesn’t feel loved. You can give love!

Somebody can’t read this email. You can!

For today, this is gon’ be all about what you can do. You have superpowers!

Folks tell us they love our relationship guides because it is “workable…practical.” Our goal is to make tools for real God-loving folks with real “Am-I-The-Only-One?” issues that we ain’t gonna pretend don’t exist! Cause you are not the only one!

Here’s a “But-What-Chu-Can Do” Guide for relationships with yourself and others. You’ll be one of the first to put this in action!

1. Take care of yo’ self. If you aren’t any good, no one else is either. Toss the rhetoric of what won’t get done if you don’t do it. You’re right! It won’t, but err’ thang ain’t gonna get done today! Is there food in the house? Good. Let’ em make sandwiches.
Has the laundry piled up? If you leave those clothes in the dryer, trust and believe, no one will steal them. Go sit down for 15 mins. Take a hot shower and let the water calm you. Drink a cup of tea. Sit in the sunlight.
Your son needs help with school work. We get it. But have you been so tired you didn’t smile at the child today? What’s more important, the homework or your son?

Take care of your own soul first.

2. Ask the folks around you about their life. What was a reflection they had for the day? When was the last time the person felt smart? How would the person rate their day on a scale of 1-10? Did the person feel included in life today or did it feel like life kinda existed around them.
Check in on folks without saying, “How you doing?” You’re guaranteed to get the cliche, and often unreal line, “I’m fine and you?” Sincerely let folks you love know you’re invested in them.

3. Mahnnn…let people be who they are. There will be parts of everyone you enjoy and parts…well, you could throw in the trash. You get the whole person! Guess what? Someone feels the same way about you also!
Your opinion and beliefs can exist while others have their own. As long as you aren’t hurting anyone or doing anything immoral, do you! Allow others to do the same. Everyone won’t agree on what immorality is. This is another discussion, but for today, let folks be who they are, even the ones you disagree with. Arguing won’t make folks change minds.

4. Be grateful. One of the ways Naa’ila puts herself to sleep is with her gratitude list. After dabbing lavender on her wrists, turning on theta waves and resting on the pillow, she lists off her “Thankful Moments” of the day. Sometimes, its as simple as, “I’m grateful I can breathe…I’m grateful for clean sheets…I’m grateful to hear the rain…” When God know’s you’re grateful, He gives you more.

If you’ve ever felt frustrated or confused cause you had no idea how to begin small steps of self-help, now’s your chance to overcome the block forever!

Talk to you soon,

Hasan and Naaila

Is This For You Today?

It’s crazy how folks look at what other people have and want the same thing without even considering it may not be for them. Have you ever seen someone be someone about the blessings of another person? Or, when they hear about another person’s “Aw Yeah” moment, they don’t hooray or toss confetti in the air.

Instead, the person makes it about them and inserts their experience with something similar. Suddenly, it becomes about how this success story ain’t all that bright. How this person needs to be careful cause someone is always being shady. How they learned their lesson…blah…blah..blah.

Real quickly, the conversation has made a turn onto Hater Highway.

You direct the person to their narrow minded beliefs. You try to change the conversation. You no longer feel comfortable.
You did all you could, but this person is stuck. You gotta leave’em there and accept folks for who they are.

Same thing goes for your marriage. To kill a relationship faster than bug spray on a fly, don’t expect your spouse to change for you. They’ll fall out on you like you sprayed Raid all over them!

Take a step back and look within. No matter how much you want your spouse to be something or someone else, all he or she will be is who they are. We’ll never tell you folks can’t shift, but they’ll do so because they wanna. It may be for you, but they WANT to do it for you.


I remember when THE HIM went to an arts festival with me. He hated err’ minute of it, but he wanted to be with me. He tried to act like he liked it to not spoil it for me. I knew the truth! I was so appreciative of the gesture, I never asked him to go again! He’s glad too! This is how you make the marriage gifts about each of you.

You have key internal gifts to use. We know you use them for many great things, but when your talents are consumed to the white meat with making another person change, you’re wasting them. You’re looking for them to do the impossible!

The evolution you seek isn’t to be found in someone else. It is within you!

Talk to you soon,

Hasan “THE HIM” and Naaila

2020 Gratitude Letter

How To Talk To Each Other During a Pandemic

Love Thang Village,

Ya’ll told us that you’ve been running out of these to talk about with your spouse. When you have found words, often they didn’t feel like the right ones as they didn’t create the “That’s It” vibe you wanted.

You try and start all over again. We’ve got a quick time investment for you to try. Let’s slash the time you spend looking for the right words in half with a these prized and proven scripts. These questions are for the faint at heart. This is for grown and married folks!

Love Thang Talk for Couples 

  1. When I touch you, how does it feel? Do I feel strong? Or slow and gentle? How would you like me to touch you differently?

  2. What is your favorite type of foreplay? What type of foreplay kills your arousal? Is there a part of foreplay you’d like us to work on?

  3.  Do I neglect to touch your favorite places? Is that true for us? What are some of your favorite places?

  4. Would it help if I asked you what do you want and need?

  5. Do you feel embarrassed to ask for stimulation from me? If so, what can I do to make it easier for you? I want to please you as best I can.

Now, if you get distracted by the children, news, last minute “TO DO” chores, get back on track quickly. You can pick these questions and put them down as needed. Don’t rush! Good things take time.

An FYI for you, successful couples spend a minimum of 3 hours together weekly. Make sure you get yours in. Want to hear what others have said when using our “Whoa!” words with their spouse?

No worries! We got you.

“Counseling has brought me and my husband closer than ever and our relationship is better than it has ever been and is continuing to make us better people…”

Now, go ahead and do that!

Let us know how it works out for you!

Thank you

Hasan “THE HIM” and Naaila

Lessons Ain’t Cheap But Here’s A Free One

Hello Love Thang Village, 

It hasn’t been a secret, but recently, what had happened was…

Earlier in December, we held our 6th Managing The Flow relationship retreat for couples and unmarried folks. It was like a good meal…You had to be there to enjoy it! We were blessed with another sold out event and turned folks away at the last hour. We’re gonna let ya’ll in on a secret, unless you bring a bag lunch, after the catering head count has been turned in…that’s all folks! Our events has timelines, deadlines and sold out lines!  Anyway…

We got a “MONDAY FREEBIE” we’re gonna let you in on cause we believe you need to be in the KNOW KNOW.

At the Washington, DC retreat, we play a game called, “He Said-She Said” : Relationship Rap.

Well, after a couple of rounds, folks get comfortable, which is the intent. Discussions included money and misguided feminine energy in women. You don’t have to take a guess to know the room got warm! 

A level of comfort had developed and one wife specifically began to describe her husband’s lack of ambition and how her father termed him a “John Doe” prior to marriage. In his behalf, the husband responded how he defined wealth and it was in being surrounded by his children, which he continued to play a major fatherhood role, which the wife also noted.
On the other hand, she was not to be swayed from her original point!

She felt she had not married her equal…was frustrated and felt her husband’s position created resentment in her over the years. She disclosed how sessions with Naa’ila resolved  much of this as Naa’ila redirected her to herself (Ya’ll know how we do!)

The following day, during a couples exercise, she stated, “I married my soul male.” 

When external factors such as family, societal expectations and personal preferences were removed, she was able to look at her husband differently and with Midas-touch appreciation. Might we add, this couple had been married for over 25 years! Folks, the stuff you see you don’t like is real. We’ll never tell ya it isn’t valid or uncomfortable. But there’s more behind this shameless truth. Every now and again, the unimagined raw truth folded up neatly as a complaint, concern or argument ain’t real stuff.

It’s your wants and “don’t wants” labeled differently.
Wait there’s more to this free lesson, you fail to see how your faults influence another person. How much does the other person have to switch and to flip to modify self to deal with you? Hmmmm…..

When you never see it coming, you may notice your partner is your soul mate.

The cost for this lesson? $Free.99

We pray the retreat guests had this same takeaway and others. In order to get yours, you’ll have to attend a retreat and get your own. The Hamptons, located in Long Island, NY, is the luxurious spot for the next retreat. Dat house is gonna be up one!

Until next time, take care of yourself and the villagers in your circle.

Thank you,

Hasan “THE HIM” and Naa’ila

Tips For Living With Your Spouse’s Unaddressed Triggers

Sooo, it doesn’t take much for your spouse to believe a discussion is a disagreement or to take normal negotiation between a husband and wife to the left..?

Before you leave, what can you do?

There are a few options. One of the worst things to occur in a marriage when one person is triggered is for TWO people to get sparked. Let’s keep it to a minimum. If you know your spouse can get lit easily, don’t behave as lighter fluid. There will be someone out there saying, “Why I always gotta be the one to fall back?…Why can’t he/she be the one to give in sometimes?”

If this is your set up, stop now and email us at  Act now! When folks have reached this point, feelings of self-sacrifice and resentment have moved in or eyeing your marriage for a takeover. Let’s do something quickly.
Back to our regularly scheduled programming….

Please don’t try to convince a rattled spouse to feel or to think differently. This is not to suggest you shut down or hide your opinion. Never would we suggest this! However, let’s look at this realistically. Is this person really going to hear you in this mindset? It ain’t gonna happen.

Truthfully, when you get in your feelin’s you may be hard to pry apart also. Allow the person the opportunity to refocus and to allow their ears to work more than their mouths!

We’re gonna let you in on a secret. In these moments, your spouse ain’t really talking to you anyway! You’re there and may be the only person in the house. The most undeniable target for whatever your spouse is saying in this moment is likely a historical figure such as an Ex…a childhood tormentor…a fake friend…or a parent.

Fall back from the emotional and mental strike. Keep yourself safe. Gather your beliefs, values, favorite shoes, prayers and secure yourself! Abuse isn’t for you to own or to accept.

Don’t get pulled into the mood! When you don’t, you create a space of trust and safety. Your spouse knows he or she can be human, display their flaws and you’ll remain in a position to negotiate with them….later.

Let us know how it works out!

Hasan “THE HIM” and Naa’ila