When it comes to biology, the first place you look for relatives is within your immediate family circle. A big problem comes with this. It can be quite restrictive and the reason for it is downright alarming.
Almost sneaky.

Your family members typically select the kinfolks you’ll interact with and/or create a relationship, especially during your childhood.

If Momma doesn’t talk to her sister, you probably didn’t either.

When Grandma and her brother fell out, you saw Uncle Jimmy less and less.

It ain’t right, but these family decisions impact many and do so for years. As adults, your family circle becomes limited because you haven’t seen Uncle Jimmy or your mother’s sister in over 25 years! Their children, grandchildren, celebrations, and experiences are unknown to you. Likewise, you’re a blood-related stranger to them also.

In your childhood, you can’t do much about the choices adults make. As a grown up, what can you do expand your family territory?

QUIT ALLOWING FAMILY TO

DEFINE FAMILY FOR YOU! 

You’ve heard, “You can’t pick your family!” Agreed! You’re born into your family of origin, but you can hand-pick your emotional family.

Tip #1: Family doesn’t have to be blood or biological. You select the good folks you want to be in your circle that are healthy, supportive, loving and “show up” for you.

Tip #2: Set limits on the input you allow relatives to give you about your family interactions. When your brother says you shouldn’t talk to your oldest brother because he isn’t, it may be ok to give your brother the side eye. A broken tie doesn’t break your connection. Now, we would be remiss if we did not acknowledge sensitivities and exceptions to this. For example, when domestic violence, abuse, inappropriate sexual activity or illegal conduct occurs, boundaries may be needed.
But for issues outside of this, it may be good for you to accept the dinner invitation at your older brother’s house. Repeatedly limiting the selection of available family members for you to love and to interact with continues the cycle of family dysfunction.

Tip #3: Take responsibility for the bonds you create versus deciding to be loyal to one side of the family due to a generational/family dispute that has nothing to do with you. You deserve to have deep loving connections. When you give consent for another person to dictate with whom those love networks will be with, you restrict your capacity to give and to receive love.

68576969_10157461102531303_8684090677539110912_nRecently, Naa’ila met one of her 2 sisters she’d never met. The three sisters had heard of one another, but by no means been presented with the option of interacting as family.
Until now.

As children, the adults around them decided dissolved marriages was reason enough not to make a connection. We’re gonna take it a step further. Sometimes, grown folks don’t know how to be the intermediary under such conditions. Imagine that!
No one teaches adults how to orientate a formerly ignored child into the existing family unit. Ain’t no classes on this one!
However, we’ve done it, if you need a guide, we got you... but a formal course doesn’t exist.

Rather than be in awe of the alliances and love waited to be created, go make a family connection! You can renew old ones too! Let us know what happens!

Hello Love Thang Village 

 
Can you believe July is already here? 
 
This means half of the year is gone.
 
Summer is halfway over.

And we’ve more than half of our goals for our Managing the Flow retreats. Yes! We’re tootin’ our horn. Can you hear it! Over 150 couples and unmarried folks served in over 5 cities and next week, we’ll do it again at an Orlando resort. 

 
Your own relationships and marriages are halfway about gone or halfway where you want them to be. Either way, you got to sprint these last few miles to make it to finish line. 

What will you find when you get there? Truthfully, we don’t know either, but we do know a role we’ve been trying to play since 2018 when we began this journey. 
 
We’ll be shutting down the website for Managing the Flow Orlando on Monday. Don’t say, “I’ll catch ya’ll next time?” because you have no idea where “next time” will be located. Can your relationships wait until next time?
We’re doing the work and many other couples are  also. It’s mind blowing to see the success. We have repeat attenders for MTF retreats also. 
If you’ve been eyeing any of the retreats, and want to include a mini-vacation, this is an amazing deal.
Look at this place! It’s lovely!
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What does this mean other than the resort looks good and you’d feel good being here? 
 
You have this one opportunity to get this much concentrated fun and a stupendous amount of expertise rolled up like a thick burrito!

You’ll walk away with answers for relationship loopholes such as:
What am I doing wrong with my presentation to a potential spouse? 

 
Married folks, how do you allow distractions, including other people/phone/social media/work, to take attention away from your marriage? 
 
Does the way your husband or wife speak to you bust the half nerve you have and how can you replace the nerve and have hope for your marriage? 
 
Who have you assigned the most blame for your problems and how has this been good for you? 
 
Who wouldn’t want to know a snappy comeback for all those issues without being snappy! You can!  Learn more here! 
You don’t have to do this alone and we’d love to have you. Oh…and we can’t forget to tell you, we have a couples room available. Yes, you don’t have to get a hotel. Stay on the resort at the luxurious private home. Email us directly at info@thatclaycouple.com for this time-limited, totally wondermous, offer!
 
Don’t forget your sunscreen! 
 
Thank you!
Hasan and Naaila 

What to do with a DIY marriage- A marriage requiring you to do the most.

You could be married for a year or for 30 years and your spouse hasn’t been doing their equal share in the marriage. We’re not talking about the household chores. This is about dating in the marriage.
This is about befriending each other in the marriage.


This is about showing up when family members don’t. 


This is about supporting the dreams ya’ll pillow talked about many nights.

You feel alone.
And have to pay the bulk of the bills and clean.
Your heart will turn bitter, but the sweetness can return. Learn more about some things NOT to do, what you can do and how to cope here!

 

Remember #MTFOrlando with Imam Shadeed Muhammad and us. That’s a lot of expertise in one room! We’re sure some of you can offer insight too. You have to show up to do so.

It’s got answers for age-old snafus and fun. The retreat isn’t for you, but a few one-on-one sessions with one or both of us could be the remedy. We’ve worked with hundreds of couples on 5 continents. Our success rate means just under 2% for divorce.

Your marriage win could be the next one, but you have to contact us. 

https://hasanandnaaila.com/product/mtforlando/

You’re on top of it.

You got a promotion.

The laundry is done.

Your bills are paid.

Your credit score increased and your thighs decreased.

Life is leaning in your favor and you know you sizzle like the summer heat.

Until it comes to parenting. When it comes to the parent-child standoff, you can’t seem to draw your parental weaponry kit! Your child is quick on the draw. Their behavior is a knock down fight in the Wild Wild West for you.
At least it feels like it.

You’re determined to get a win. We have a few suggestions for you to switch with a quick flick of the wrist. Turning your language around is a step to changing behavior. We make no promises for your child’s reaction, but you gotta begin somewhere! If you’re feeling lost and need to adjust hat brim, we do that too.

Be careful… Say, “What do you need to remember?”

I keep telling you the same thing… Say, “Would you like to do it on your own or have me help you?”

You should know better… Say “What did you learn from this mistake?”

What’s wrong now?… Say, “How can you take care of yourself in this moment?”

Now, there’s a second half to this. Don’t allow your son or daughter to give you an open-ended answers with the intention of putting you on ice.
Make an inquiry. Ask for specifics. Find out what their plan is. Do you need a parenting plan?
You have to teach the skill set you want to see.

Let us know what happens!

THE HIM & Naa’ila

Hello Love Thang Village, 

 
We’re going to hit the July reset button! 
 
Sometimes you start the year off strong and find themselves in the wrong spot soon after. Maybe it isn’t in a dark dreaded space, but not a place of joy and happiness! We’re using July as the time to hit the UNDO button for the second half of the year. 
 
This challenge begins on July 19th and July 20th! 
 
It is the Managing the Flow Relationship Retreat in Orlando, Florida. We’re flossin’ in sunny Florida with FREE resort ACCESS! No need to put that on replay! You read it correctly!
 
All of you are welcome because there is something to apply to couples and to unmarried persons. 
 
Want in? 
 
 
Why do you need this reset button?
 
Simply because you may need a boost incentive to show up in your relationships this summer to carry over into the colder months. No one wants to drag resentment and sadness from 2-3 months prior into the cooler months!
It makes it harder to snuggle with your spouse or to make sure you have the right snuggler with you! Instead of overwhelming you online or with blogs with memes of “What-You-Not-Gon-Do” steps…daily quotes of tips that you don’t know how to apply or…a funny meme that doesn’t apply to your life at all, this retreat lets you walk away with mile-high answers! And a clear mind with all of the crisp Florida air.
 
This is a learn and apply challenge so each of the 2 days will be spend answering your questions, creating epiphanies and the opportunity to hem “That Clay Couple” or Imam Shadeed Muhammad in a corner for further clarity. When will you get to do that again?

Commit to showing up for the 2 days and you’ll find yourself in a totally different place in ONLY 2 days! 

 
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We also have on-site suites with twin beds for unmarried ladies ONLY. Four beds remain. The couples suites were snapped up like a baby with a bottle within a few hours. Couples will need to reserve accommodations independently. We have a few hotel suggestions for you. 
Hello Love Thang Village,

Via social media, we discussed the best ways to argue and a key rule was to not being up the past.

Makes sense right? Not to everyone.

Because of this, we took it up a notch and gave more clarity for not dwelling in old stuff.

Take a peek at the video. Share it with a friend.

3 KEY BENEFITS For GIVING A PASS ON THE PAST- For the married couples in the Love Thang Village!

What if you could put a restraining order on having to re-hear your past offenses? Maybe you’re the one who keeps bringing out the archives because, for you, the old news continues to be present-day. This feels like a never-ending battle!
This video has some “RIGHT NOW” action you can do! Ladies, there’s a bonus. Find out what a man thinks when he’s presented with his marriage record and what you can do.

Want more information like this? Cause the evidence and findings we offer gets deeper..and EASIER for you to do. Come to our relationship retreat in Orlando in July 2019. We’ll give more details soon. ✔️

For now, watch this video!  

 


Thank you!
Hasan and Naa’ila

Hello Love Thang Village!

Most of you know us for our edu-tainment.

Err’ now and then, couples hafta to “take the edge off”.  We’ve done the footwork and created a fool-proof method to increase your Love Thang moments. Join the vibe! 

Has your wife been asking for “date night’…more attention or time alone with you? 

And maybe you’re ready, but you don’t want to plan an entire evening on your own.

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We got you! Men, she’ll gas you up after this! 

Here’s a place to massage out knots that don’t need to be untied, just loosened a lil’ & get a guaranteed jumper-cable boost on the connection you want with  Couples “Touch-Up” Therapy.

And there’s more!IMG_8390
 
A 7-course BUFFET meal, a head-turning “He-Said-She Said” interactive relationship rap between men and women and a 45-minute one-on-one session with modest touch therapy with a professional Massage Therapist, Najwa Ahmed. 
The menu is a whole mood by itself. Check it out on the link. The minimum price for a 7-course meal is typically $90 per person. 
Not this time! 
 
This one-time offer will have you gasp at the affordability and all of the extras! 
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And after all of this…then, you can flex about the wondermous evening had by all in a soothing Moroccan-setting at The Cedar Cafe in metro-Atlanta, Alpharetta, Ga. The restaurant will be closed during the event.
 
This evening will be everything and had to nothing, but get your ticket.

It’s that easy. 

 
Thank you, 
 
Hasan and Naaila 

THE HIM, my husband, said something to push me to the edge.
His words caused me to look at him differently, and ya’ll know, I look at him with a soft eye.
When I recall the moment, my stomach pauses a moment, all over again, like it did the minute moment it all occurred.

I see the dull sunlight hitting across his face and spreading itself on the wall behind him.

Then, quickly, and forever, everything between us changed.

He said, “My eyes are getting darker. Praise be to God.”

I stopped everything in my hands and told my heart to wait for me. My heart has never listened well. My past relationships show that and it didn’t leave me wanting this time either. My heart raced. And slowed down. Raced again.
I said nothing.
He stared straight ahead as he does frequently at home. I know he’s in his “mental moment” and solving the world’s problems, balancing the national budget, mentally auditing Trump’s taxes, praying, wondering what’s for dinner or meditating.
Basically, he’s a deep thinker. Always.

After a few moments passed, I asked, “Did you hear what you said? You told me your eyes have less sight and then you praised your Lord? That’s a pretty high personal achievement. I’ve never heard you speak this way.”
He said, “I know.” And moved on to live his life while the remaining eye-related darkness slowly targets him through glaucoma. He seemed ok.
Me? I was stuck.
My heart became a telescope for me to see my husband in a way I’d never achieved before now. If this man had reached a level of self-awareness to express this level of humility for his loss of sight, I knew I was gon’ hafta work on my own character. I ain’t there! Not today.

During this loss of sight journey, we have lost so much. Things you can see and things you cannot. We have argued. Been angry. Cried together. Cried alone. Blamed each other. Blamed ourselves. I have looked at him, breath to breath, with tears in my tears and he couldn’t see them. I have no regrets for his inability to see my tears. I was able to get his comfort, release my emotion and keep my internal privacy as he lived such a public pain. Now, it is my prayer, with a blind man leading our spiritual way, we will always see a need to praise God in the good and to praise God with the bad.
I’m not naive. We’re gonna get tested again on this journey, but I see more praise coming for us.

Everybody can’t handle tea  as strong as the one in our cup! download (2)

And here’s why…

 
This weekend, we, along with Imam Shadeed Muhammad will be combining our super powers together. 
Atlanta will be lit with relationship guru goodies. 
 
Topics for this weekend include:
 
1. The 5 stages of Marriage (Identifying which stage you are in) 
2. The 80/20 Rule of Relationships 
3. The Art of Weighing the Good and the Bad of Your Spouse before pulling the plug
4. Creating Boundaries: Teaching People How to Treat You
5. The Key to Fixing Your Marital Problems
6. Re-Writing Your Marital Narrative Together
Whew! That’s that good organic tea mix right there!
Review the video attached for what happened at Managing the Flow in New Jersey in November 2018. Click Video Here!

Guess what?

We plan to spike this relationship tea and take it up a notch for 2019.
Get your front row seats here.
On Friday, we have jumaah together with Imam Shadeed Muhammad delivering the khutbah.
On Friday, the unmarried and single folks will do their thing.
Saturday, the 9th is for couples only!
“Da Couples Goals” games are slap-knee funny!
We will have Moses the Comic on Saturday evening for all retreat guests.
Learn more here!
 
If it sounds fun and it will be more than it sounds!
Sponsor an individual or a couple for a wondermous blessing.
Many would benefit from attending this retreat and could use your generous contribution.

It can be hard for some folks to know when harm has hit them. We know some of you are shocked and give the side-eye when you read this. Harm can be hard to detect when it isn’t physical. We live in a society with preset measurements for “extenuating circumstances”, which change based upon color, gender and the perception of the alleged victim. Under some circumstances, a victim isn’t a victim until the right person says he or she has been violated.
All of which is so unfair!

Sometimes pain and mistreatment whispers into relationships and it is hard for us to hear or to see what is happening.
An iron-clad sign is having to keep your happiness low-key. If you need to keep a promotion, an accomplishment or the “Win-For-The-Day” a secret or any other glow-up moment in your life to yourself because someone will knock it down, this person doesn’t mean you well.
Another sign is when someone does not allow you to express your own hurt or to seek support. We worked with a couple struggling in their marriage. The wife has a physical challenge she works hard to overcome daily, but it will be a lifelong issue for her. Her husband doesn’t allow her to speak of her disability despite its impact and limitations in her daily life. For him, speaking of it causes her to be limited. When the truth is, talking about it brings the deficits in their life to the forefront and he doesn’t want to provide support to her. To keep from being accountable, he has forced his wife not to speak of her disability. Meanwhile, she cries silently and does without many needs on a daily basis due to lack of help.

This is mistreatment. 

Have you ever had to tiptoe around a person or felt anxious about meeting a person? For whatever reason, you knew you were at risk of a problem coming up. You had no idea what the problem could be or would be. You were certain it would involve you and it would be your fault. Trying to live your life preventing fires that have yet to be lit or may never start is exhausting! Yet, if you don’t you could be in a full blaze at any moment and somehow, you should have seen it coming.

This is mistreatment. 

Next, being in a position causing you to feel you are not good enough as you are is hurtful and demeaning. When you allow yourself to be in the presence of someone comparing you to everyone and everything that is not you, you’ll question your own self-worth. This pain can cut so deeply a person will begin to doubt the need for their own existence. And this earth needs all the diversity and uniqueness of good folks to keep the Love Thang Village going!
These unloving comparisons can happen between a mother and a child…a supervisor and an employer or a husband and a wife.
A parent can compare one child to another child to the extent a person loses their confidence and begins to desire the identity of their sibling because this will seem to be the only one to have parental approval or love.

This is mistreatment. 

This unspoken harm can be subtle and go unnoticed because it is often an act committed by someone you love, know or respect. And that never makes it ok. Someone being familiar with you or close in your circle doesn’t get to knock you down because of their connection to you. In truth, this person has a greater duty to safeguard you.
And when you don’t protect yourself, this is mistreatment too.
Be good to you.