Couples…A Mushy Message for You

Hello Love Thang Village!

Most of you know us for our edu-tainment.

Err’ now and then, couples hafta to “take the edge off”.  We’ve done the footwork and created a fool-proof method to increase your Love Thang moments. Join the vibe! 

Has your wife been asking for “date night’…more attention or time alone with you? 

And maybe you’re ready, but you don’t want to plan an entire evening on your own.

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We got you! Men, she’ll gas you up after this! 

Here’s a place to massage out knots that don’t need to be untied, just loosened a lil’ & get a guaranteed jumper-cable boost on the connection you want with  Couples “Touch-Up” Therapy.

And there’s more!IMG_8390
 
A 7-course BUFFET meal, a head-turning “He-Said-She Said” interactive relationship rap between men and women and a 45-minute one-on-one session with modest touch therapy with a professional Massage Therapist, Najwa Ahmed. 
The menu is a whole mood by itself. Check it out on the link. The minimum price for a 7-course meal is typically $90 per person. 
Not this time! 
 
This one-time offer will have you gasp at the affordability and all of the extras! 
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And after all of this…then, you can flex about the wondermous evening had by all in a soothing Moroccan-setting at The Cedar Cafe in metro-Atlanta, Alpharetta, Ga. The restaurant will be closed during the event.
 
This evening will be everything and had to nothing, but get your ticket.

It’s that easy. 

 
Thank you, 
 
Hasan and Naaila 

How To Completely Change How Your Praise Is Set Up

THE HIM, my husband, said something to push me to the edge.
His words caused me to look at him differently, and ya’ll know, I look at him with a soft eye.
When I recall the moment, my stomach pauses a moment, all over again, like it did the minute moment it all occurred.

I see the dull sunlight hitting across his face and spreading itself on the wall behind him.

Then, quickly, and forever, everything between us changed.

He said, “My eyes are getting darker. Praise be to God.”

I stopped everything in my hands and told my heart to wait for me. My heart has never listened well. My past relationships show that and it didn’t leave me wanting this time either. My heart raced. And slowed down. Raced again.
I said nothing.
He stared straight ahead as he does frequently at home. I know he’s in his “mental moment” and solving the world’s problems, balancing the national budget, mentally auditing Trump’s taxes, praying, wondering what’s for dinner or meditating.
Basically, he’s a deep thinker. Always.

After a few moments passed, I asked, “Did you hear what you said? You told me your eyes have less sight and then you praised your Lord? That’s a pretty high personal achievement. I’ve never heard you speak this way.”
He said, “I know.” And moved on to live his life while the remaining eye-related darkness slowly targets him through glaucoma. He seemed ok.
Me? I was stuck.
My heart became a telescope for me to see my husband in a way I’d never achieved before now. If this man had reached a level of self-awareness to express this level of humility for his loss of sight, I knew I was gon’ hafta work on my own character. I ain’t there! Not today.

During this loss of sight journey, we have lost so much. Things you can see and things you cannot. We have argued. Been angry. Cried together. Cried alone. Blamed each other. Blamed ourselves. I have looked at him, breath to breath, with tears in my tears and he couldn’t see them. I have no regrets for his inability to see my tears. I was able to get his comfort, release my emotion and keep my internal privacy as he lived such a public pain. Now, it is my prayer, with a blind man leading our spiritual way, we will always see a need to praise God in the good and to praise God with the bad.
I’m not naive. We’re gonna get tested again on this journey, but I see more praise coming for us.

Honey Or Sugar In Your Tea?

Everybody can’t handle tea  as strong as the one in our cup! download (2)

And here’s why…

 
This weekend, we, along with Imam Shadeed Muhammad will be combining our super powers together. 
Atlanta will be lit with relationship guru goodies. 
 
Topics for this weekend include:
 
1. The 5 stages of Marriage (Identifying which stage you are in) 
2. The 80/20 Rule of Relationships 
3. The Art of Weighing the Good and the Bad of Your Spouse before pulling the plug
4. Creating Boundaries: Teaching People How to Treat You
5. The Key to Fixing Your Marital Problems
6. Re-Writing Your Marital Narrative Together
Whew! That’s that good organic tea mix right there!
Review the video attached for what happened at Managing the Flow in New Jersey in November 2018. Click Video Here!

Guess what?

We plan to spike this relationship tea and take it up a notch for 2019.
Get your front row seats here.
On Friday, we have jumaah together with Imam Shadeed Muhammad delivering the khutbah.
On Friday, the unmarried and single folks will do their thing.
Saturday, the 9th is for couples only!
“Da Couples Goals” games are slap-knee funny!
We will have Moses the Comic on Saturday evening for all retreat guests.
Learn more here!
 
If it sounds fun and it will be more than it sounds!
Sponsor an individual or a couple for a wondermous blessing.
Many would benefit from attending this retreat and could use your generous contribution.

Shh! I’m Abusing You! Act Like You Don’t See It!

It can be hard for some folks to know when harm has hit them. We know some of you are shocked and give the side-eye when you read this. Harm can be hard to detect when it isn’t physical. We live in a society with preset measurements for “extenuating circumstances”, which change based upon color, gender and the perception of the alleged victim. Under some circumstances, a victim isn’t a victim until the right person says he or she has been violated.
All of which is so unfair!

Sometimes pain and mistreatment whispers into relationships and it is hard for us to hear or to see what is happening.
An iron-clad sign is having to keep your happiness low-key. If you need to keep a promotion, an accomplishment or the “Win-For-The-Day” a secret or any other glow-up moment in your life to yourself because someone will knock it down, this person doesn’t mean you well.
Another sign is when someone does not allow you to express your own hurt or to seek support. We worked with a couple struggling in their marriage. The wife has a physical challenge she works hard to overcome daily, but it will be a lifelong issue for her. Her husband doesn’t allow her to speak of her disability despite its impact and limitations in her daily life. For him, speaking of it causes her to be limited. When the truth is, talking about it brings the deficits in their life to the forefront and he doesn’t want to provide support to her. To keep from being accountable, he has forced his wife not to speak of her disability. Meanwhile, she cries silently and does without many needs on a daily basis due to lack of help.

This is mistreatment. 

Have you ever had to tiptoe around a person or felt anxious about meeting a person? For whatever reason, you knew you were at risk of a problem coming up. You had no idea what the problem could be or would be. You were certain it would involve you and it would be your fault. Trying to live your life preventing fires that have yet to be lit or may never start is exhausting! Yet, if you don’t you could be in a full blaze at any moment and somehow, you should have seen it coming.

This is mistreatment. 

Next, being in a position causing you to feel you are not good enough as you are is hurtful and demeaning. When you allow yourself to be in the presence of someone comparing you to everyone and everything that is not you, you’ll question your own self-worth. This pain can cut so deeply a person will begin to doubt the need for their own existence. And this earth needs all the diversity and uniqueness of good folks to keep the Love Thang Village going!
These unloving comparisons can happen between a mother and a child…a supervisor and an employer or a husband and a wife.
A parent can compare one child to another child to the extent a person loses their confidence and begins to desire the identity of their sibling because this will seem to be the only one to have parental approval or love.

This is mistreatment. 

This unspoken harm can be subtle and go unnoticed because it is often an act committed by someone you love, know or respect. And that never makes it ok. Someone being familiar with you or close in your circle doesn’t get to knock you down because of their connection to you. In truth, this person has a greater duty to safeguard you.
And when you don’t protect yourself, this is mistreatment too.
Be good to you. 

ABC’s of RELATIONSHIPS

You remember being 4 or 5 years of age with the new and uninterrupted ability to recite the alphabet. We say “uninterrupted” because once you began, all 26 letters were to be gifted to all! And you said it with yo’ chest!
This is an adorable sight to see in young children.
The confidence.
No judgement about the errors.
And when you laugh, and say, “That was too cute!”, the child grins and may offer to display another flawed, but genuine, talent, that no one loves like their parent.

When was the last time you felt this way about your relationships?
Confident.

No judgement.

And too cute!
Here’s a few gangsta gems to get your game up when working, living, loving and negotiating with others. il_570xN.789264066_8vkh

A is for it AIN’T all about you.

Relationships require you to do more than “understand what the other person said….to hear the other person out…to wait your turn to talk…”. Grown folks relationships listen to the what other person has said, asks questions because I know this is hard for you…but YOU could be wrong about what you think or feel about what was said to you...and looks for ways to give the other person a different experience.

Take a minute and wipe your brow! Many haven’t heard this before. We’ll try to take you slowly.

B is for BUILD.

A relationship is a building together upon whatever the two of you bring with the intent to enhance it for each person. Not one person. ALL Bof’em! Even amongst your friendships, your interactions should be to serve the benefit of each of you. At different times, one has more or other needs. S’ok. That’s real life, but the relationship should be a place of balance, comfort, stability and connection to build upon to be better people. To be better parents. To be better spouses. To be better worshippers. Your relationships are the most basic institutions in your life to build your best self.
There’s a problem when people become great builders. When you have built something together, folks will replace BUILD with BORED. Reaching milestones doesn’t mean anyone has to tap out, to become tired or demotivated.

C is for the CONTINUITY of BUILDING.

Relationships are a place to be the little engine that could…over and over again. You think you  can? You can! You accomplish a goal together.  Now, you can do something else. This does not have to be a major overhaul project such as remodeling a house, meeting your savings goals for the year, to take down braids, taking a cruise together or having 2 children within 4 years. The continuity can be as simple as praying more often together, inviting another couple or friend over, frequent check ins, sharing childhood secrets or doing the one or two things your friend or spouse has requested of you repeatedly that you fail to do consistently. The lil’ things mean much.

Coming up with a cool-kid rhyme for reciting your ABC’s as an adult isn’t easy! It’s more about what you do versus sounding cute!

We can give guidance on how to make that happen for you. Until then, keep it ABC simple!

Authentic Truths Folks Hate About Healing

We want to introduce you to a couple dealing with infidelity. The couple knows this grind has overtime work. When we mentioned things others hide, such as, you’ll have some bad experiences with your spouse because of all the questions that come with the pain and you’ll feel pain all over again and will want someone to catch these hands!

You”ll feel your pain all over again and will want to respond to the thoughts in your head.

Anger.

Disappointment.

Sadness.

The student in High School Always Fighting-will come out of you and it ain’t even you!

You’ll want to use words to hurt because someone else needs to feel this pain. If you say what you feel every time, your husband or wife won’t be motivated to work at this. Managing your reactions will be the goal of the day. Many days. In a row.

You’ll wanna know, “Why I gotta try to control myself, he/she didn’t when they did whatever they had the mind to do?” It won’t feel fair.
It isn’t.2caa3a6016f58ecfd0252e00e9739396

Another secret code no one shares is realizing your spouse had a long-term affair that has ended physically, but you will have to live with this person as they work through the emotional attachment. Your spouse was in love with another person.

You’ll feel like, “Wayment…You’re going too fast. I don’t want to work with you while you working out the love you have with someone you had no business loving!”

As time goes on, you’ll find out more details that will piss you off like hot lava. You’ll feel betrayed all over again, but you’ve agreed to position yourself to work on the marriage.

And what was done in the dark, like an affair, comes to the light. Sometimes, it happens slowly. Your spouse may be doing good…but you get receipts from a year old event. Be prepared for moments of discovery and being triggered all over again when you learn of another way you were deceived.

These feelings happen with any type of dishonesty.

When we said this, the couple looked like we stole the vibranium from Wakandownload (6)da!

After choking a bit, they admitted these scenarios already happened.

Healing is healthy, but the process will hurt.

Healing may hurt more than what happened to you.

Often when you need healing, you ignore the pain…use food as comfort … silence your inner voice whispering wisdom… become engulfed with another person’s trash so you’ll smell like their garbage and not your own…rather than pray you become prey AGAIN…you resist pulling God close and bring ungodliness closer. Healing has no substitute. Avoiding the raw and real requirements causes many couples to have the same issues. Over and over again. No resolution causes the same mess to come up. At the retreat in March, we have the coolest game for couples to see how your boxing moves fight fairly in the marriage ring or if you’re fighting the marriage. The choice is yours. You’re robbing yourself if you’re not there. Trust us. Your marriage is worth it.

As for your healing, two things will happen.

  1. You’ll show up like a soldier for someone else to find comfort from your revival
  2. You’ll do nothing and bleed on someone else who never cut you.

 

 

 

What No One Tells You About Being Ready For Childbirth

My deepest regret about parenting is the timing. As parents we don’t often publicly admit our mistakes. We’ll say we made them, but which ones…Nah. Parents and Guardians take those “SMH-errors” to the grave.

I know God schedules births, but I would have put my oldest son, age 28, at a later date.
I wanted him, but I wasn’t ready for him. I bet someone out there is saying, “You should have kept your legs closed.”

I don’t disagree, but legs don’t listen when your heart believes it is in love.

He came into my life way too early.

You ever wanted to go to the event, but wasn’t ready when your ride arrived?
Have you had a ball hit you dead in the eye because you weren’t ready to catch it?
How about being caught not-camera-ready by a camera?
Well, not being prepared for a baby is worse.

My ignorance worked on my behalf because I couldn’t concern myself with my fears, doubts, questions, my loneliness, my poverty and was still growing up myself.
There are things I managed to do for my son and I’m in awe of my own struggle. It’s one of those things if you gave it much thought, in real time, you’d be in a fetal position from anxiety and worry.
One day, in the heat of the NC summer, we were in my apartment. We were miserable from the heat. A cousin let me borrow a fan. It felt like it was blowing flames of hellfire. We would take baths to cool off and sweat would break through before leaving the bathroom. My baby was red and his mouth was open as if he had a cold. If you’ve been to NC, you know it can be hard to breathe in that humidity.
I began to cry and I called my mother. She sent money for me to buy a window unit. I did and it felt like the wind blew from heaven in that joint!
Another day, I stood at the bus stop with my son in his stroller. I was going to the food stamp office for whatever reason. I felt something on my shoe. I didn’t look. I kicked it away. I thought it was grass. This grass would not leave me alone! I looked down. Lawd Gawd. It was a rat. I swear it looked like he had a knife and wanted my last breath!
I promise you, Mr. Rat met his end that day.
On the way back home, it was pouring down raining. We got off the bus to walk home. I had an umbrella, but I couldn’t push the stroller and hold the umbrella for both of us, only him. I felt the cold sting of the rain, mixed with the NC humidity, and let my wet clothing weigh me down.
But my baby was dry.
I remember his lil head bobbin’ back and forth as I tried to hurry. His expression never changed. He totally trusted his care in my hands. He was born ready for me. Even if I wasn’t ready for him.
I felt so inadequate on that day. Struggling to feed him and trying to keep him dry and meeting up with the overly-friendly rat and not having a car.
Like I said, I wasn’t ready. Are there moments you don’t feel “on-time” for all the things parenting needs you to do?

My son keeps that same trust in me and many of our kids do. He’ll call for me to revise a proposal or to read an email before clicking send. To him, Momma can bring in Operation “Make –Do” and stuff gets done. When someone believes in you like that, you need to be ready for it.

Looking for An Answer?

Hello Love Thang Village! 
What we’re about to share brings the biggest smile to our faces! 
 
It’s the end of the calendar year and many are tying up lose ends or finding new ones to tie!

We’re wondering if you’re like others we know….

 
Have you spent much time and moments rethinking a plan, guessing, praying, stopping, redoing and focusing on what to do with what is ahead? Take a deep breath and lets look at the options in front of you!

Recently, Hasan had 2 painful knee surgeries. The stories we could tell you about doctors, the appointments, the tests and on and on! This has put us in place. Many said it put us on pause.
Not one bit!
We haven’t stopped, but we remain in the NOW. There are times, we’ve felt prayerful and cautious about what to do. One of the best choices has been not to do too much! We’re feeling more grounded despite the challenges.

We’ve been guiding others to the same joy of mental balance in their head and heart all year long. Hundreds of folks have called,  met, messaged, text and shouted us out to master the relationships that matter the most! Including the relationship with self! 

 
It’s about to be lit as you become bolder, louder, happier and wealthier with more than money with all of your genius!

Don’t lose anymore sleep about the things on your mind…taking up your brain space and making you eat more…or maybe eat less!

Here’s a brief intro to amazing things coming for 2019!

First, we’re introducing a new “Living-My-Best-Life” service. Everyone can’t do counseling. We get it , but having a place to dump or to free yourself from worries sounds mighty good!

Then, be warned! An options awaits you! 

 
You see, we’ve considered the needs of everyone without compromising confidentiality or your time. Email and text counseling support.

You thought we were finished! Ya’ll know us. We don’t stop right there! 

Atlanta is the premiere city for 2019. 
 
We won’t give you too much at one time! Grounding and not taking it all in, but enough to keep you safe within is the goal! Tell your friends.

Sending out hugs to the Love Thang Village! 
 
Thank you, 
 
Hasan and Naaila 

So What’s The 411?

Warning!

Good information will follow.

Folks who feel their time for good-good love has passed can get this secret weapon! The simple truth is the relationship retreats we sponsor always sell out because we give results! Sounds impressive…right? Take a peek at what other guests have said!

“If you can attend, come. when we walked in, we were about to divorce…it’s not on the table now. i see hope for us.” MTF Jersey

“We learned other people have the same struggles we do. this was comforting & i learned from them too.” MTF Maryland

“I can be better about letting my husband know when he does right. the retreat let me see i got locked in on myself.” MTF Atlanta

“I have to been talking to men all wrong by introducing them to my single self only. i never saw what i was doing.” MTF Jersey

We did 4 in 2018 with the plan to keep it going. We’ll begin 2019 with an Atlanta retreat, you’ll walk away with a swag bag full of gems. gems-festival-illusion-face-paint-store-600x600

 

Get a checklist for ways you put yourself on ice for getting married
Learn ways to put your love on autopilot in marriage
Rock solid ways to toss doubtful feelings in your love life with “snap-your-finger” tips
What is emotional baggage & how to get it through security
Signs you might be the bubble to burst in your marriage
Quite simply, you leave with a wealth of relationship wisdom!

The only catch is you have to hold your front row seat!

Click this link to make it happen!
https://hasanandnaaila.com/products/

UNMARRIED PERSONS
$125
MARCH 8, 2019 5 PM-10 PM
And 7 pm Food & Entertainment

MARRIED COUPLES
$200
MARCH 9, 2019 11 AM- 6 PM
And
7 PM DINNER & ENTERTAINMENT FOR ALL RETREAT GUESTS.

On Saturday evening, we all hang out together! 

Private location information disclosed with paid reservation.

(MEAL/SNACKS AND SATURDAY EVENING ENTERTAINMENT/DINNER INCLUDED)

Reserve your seat here- https://hasanandnaaila.com/products/

What To Do With A Parent Who Won’t Show Up For You

It’s more than hard…it’s daym near devastating to accept a parent will never be able to parent you or friend you.

When your parent has been absent during your childhood, somehow, you manage. You don’t have a choice. Children will continue to believe a parent will do right by them once this happens…or once someone else does something…or once someone moves to a different city…or once a certain amount of money is locked in… and on and on. Who doesn’t want to believe something or someone is blocking parental love?

Children, addicts, Trumpsters and roaches are some of the most resilient parts of the creation! They will keep believing despite the facts in front of them. For a child a real news flash of truth about a parent’s absence can cause feelings of inferiority. Feeling like the ideas you’ve built your value on is a farce feels like a low blow. Abandonment. Unworthy. Rejection. Unwanted. Unloved. Getting help to maneuver these places is key. 

When presented with the raw and nekkid truth of who your parent is, and you see, as a person, you don’t really like them…can be the horse pill you spit out. After living a life of not having your parent, and as an adult, seeing your parent incapable of being your friend due to their pride, intolerance, lack of compassion and overall lack of acceptance for who you are as an adult is a kick to your inner child. You ask yourself, “Are you not able to befriend you or do you choose not to?”

Which is it?
Either way, the answer yields the same results.
The way to end your own suffering and to cease presenting opportunities for this “Aint-Gonna-Do-It” parent to show up for you is for you to accept them as they are. Which is another horse pill to spit out and may require insight and hugs to do!