Did You Lose The Desire To Be Friendly?

Hello You

There are folks who paused on making friends prior to the pandemic. We get it. Being friendly and socializing requires ongoing effort and trusting new folks can be hard. When I moved to Atlanta in 2013, I cried daily for 3 months.

I wanted to be with THE HIM, but I missed the village I left behind in North Carolina. He used to tell me he got tired of me talking about how different NC was from Atlanta. Wasn’t my fault NC Village showed me love for over 20 years! Hee Hee!

THE HIM reiterated the hospitality extended to him from the same group often. I wasn’t lying!

I had to learn how to meet new folks while holding on the relationships I had at home. It’s been over 10 years and I have done so, but it took time. I’m still not good about cold-calling friends. I’m not inclined to call folks up and extend an invitation unless I’ve known you for a very very long time. More than 10 yrs!

For what reason? I dunno. On the other hand, if you hit me up, I’m probably gonna be down to roll out with you!

Common beliefs about being sociable…

1. It requires time you don’t have

Time will be needed to share with another person, but you can also make a decision on the amount of “friend space” you have to share. Maybe you can meet someone for tea or lunch, but you can’t kick it on a Saturday evening. You don’t have the social bandwidth for it. Do what you can. Dassit.

2. The fear of rejection

Ain’t nobody trying to put themselves in a vulnerable position for someone to deny their friendship invite! If its someone you’ve known a long time, you may believe it’s been way too long to reach out. Not so! There’s no time better than now! Life is too short not to let folks know they matter to you.

Someone new may give decline an invite. It’s ok. You have done the same before due to your own lifestyle. This never means you are being turned away. Your offer may not be accepted, but your friendship may be under different circumstances or day/time.

3. Nothing happened to your friendships except you allowed them to fade

Relationships require nourishment. If you don’t feed anything into your friendships you’ll lose them. With real social connections, you’ll need to do more than wish someone “HPB” with an emoji on social media. Contact folks for no reason at all. Don’t offer excuses for the social distance between the two of you. Pick up from where you are at that moment!

Now, if you continually lose friends, it may be time to self-reflect. What messages are you giving others? Would you be your friend?

Relationships matter. They help you live longer. They give life meaning. They echo the good you give back to you. Go build yours!

See ya soon,

THE HIM and Naaila

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