You remember being 4 or 5 years of age with the new and uninterrupted ability to recite the alphabet. We say “uninterrupted” because once you began, all 26 letters were to be gifted to all! And you said it with yo’ chest!
This is an adorable sight to see in young children.
The confidence.
No judgement about the errors.
And when you laugh, and say, “That was too cute!”, the child grins and may offer to display another flawed, but genuine, talent, that no one loves like their parent.

When was the last time you felt this way about your relationships?
Confident.

No judgement.

And too cute!
Here’s a few gangsta gems to get your game up when working, living, loving and negotiating with others. il_570xN.789264066_8vkh

A is for it AIN’T all about you.

Relationships require you to do more than “understand what the other person said….to hear the other person out…to wait your turn to talk…”. Grown folks relationships listen to the what other person has said, asks questions because I know this is hard for you…but YOU could be wrong about what you think or feel about what was said to you...and looks for ways to give the other person a different experience.

Take a minute and wipe your brow! Many haven’t heard this before. We’ll try to take you slowly.

B is for BUILD.

A relationship is a building together upon whatever the two of you bring with the intent to enhance it for each person. Not one person. ALL Bof’em! Even amongst your friendships, your interactions should be to serve the benefit of each of you. At different times, one has more or other needs. S’ok. That’s real life, but the relationship should be a place of balance, comfort, stability and connection to build upon to be better people. To be better parents. To be better spouses. To be better worshippers. Your relationships are the most basic institutions in your life to build your best self.
There’s a problem when people become great builders. When you have built something together, folks will replace BUILD with BORED. Reaching milestones doesn’t mean anyone has to tap out, to become tired or demotivated.

C is for the CONTINUITY of BUILDING.

Relationships are a place to be the little engine that could…over and over again. You think you  can? You can! You accomplish a goal together.  Now, you can do something else. This does not have to be a major overhaul project such as remodeling a house, meeting your savings goals for the year, to take down braids, taking a cruise together or having 2 children within 4 years. The continuity can be as simple as praying more often together, inviting another couple or friend over, frequent check ins, sharing childhood secrets or doing the one or two things your friend or spouse has requested of you repeatedly that you fail to do consistently. The lil’ things mean much.

Coming up with a cool-kid rhyme for reciting your ABC’s as an adult isn’t easy! It’s more about what you do versus sounding cute!

We can give guidance on how to make that happen for you. Until then, keep it ABC simple!

We want to introduce you to a couple dealing with infidelity. The couple knows this grind has overtime work. When we mentioned things others hide, such as, you’ll have some bad experiences with your spouse because of all the questions that come with the pain and you’ll feel pain all over again and will want someone to catch these hands!

You”ll feel your pain all over again and will want to respond to the thoughts in your head.

Anger.

Disappointment.

Sadness.

The student in High School Always Fighting-will come out of you and it ain’t even you!

You’ll want to use words to hurt because someone else needs to feel this pain. If you say what you feel every time, your husband or wife won’t be motivated to work at this. Managing your reactions will be the goal of the day. Many days. In a row.

You’ll wanna know, “Why I gotta try to control myself, he/she didn’t when they did whatever they had the mind to do?” It won’t feel fair.
It isn’t.2caa3a6016f58ecfd0252e00e9739396

Another secret code no one shares is realizing your spouse had a long-term affair that has ended physically, but you will have to live with this person as they work through the emotional attachment. Your spouse was in love with another person.

You’ll feel like, “Wayment…You’re going too fast. I don’t want to work with you while you working out the love you have with someone you had no business loving!”

As time goes on, you’ll find out more details that will piss you off like hot lava. You’ll feel betrayed all over again, but you’ve agreed to position yourself to work on the marriage.

And what was done in the dark, like an affair, comes to the light. Sometimes, it happens slowly. Your spouse may be doing good…but you get receipts from a year old event. Be prepared for moments of discovery and being triggered all over again when you learn of another way you were deceived.

These feelings happen with any type of dishonesty.

When we said this, the couple looked like we stole the vibranium from Wakandownload (6)da!

After choking a bit, they admitted these scenarios already happened.

Healing is healthy, but the process will hurt.

Healing may hurt more than what happened to you.

Often when you need healing, you ignore the pain…use food as comfort … silence your inner voice whispering wisdom… become engulfed with another person’s trash so you’ll smell like their garbage and not your own…rather than pray you become prey AGAIN…you resist pulling God close and bring ungodliness closer. Healing has no substitute. Avoiding the raw and real requirements causes many couples to have the same issues. Over and over again. No resolution causes the same mess to come up. At the retreat in March, we have the coolest game for couples to see how your boxing moves fight fairly in the marriage ring or if you’re fighting the marriage. The choice is yours. You’re robbing yourself if you’re not there. Trust us. Your marriage is worth it.

As for your healing, two things will happen.

  1. You’ll show up like a soldier for someone else to find comfort from your revival
  2. You’ll do nothing and bleed on someone else who never cut you.

 

 

 

My deepest regret about parenting is the timing. As parents we don’t often publicly admit our mistakes. We’ll say we made them, but which ones…Nah. Parents and Guardians take those “SMH-errors” to the grave.

I know God schedules births, but I would have put my oldest son, age 28, at a later date.
I wanted him, but I wasn’t ready for him. I bet someone out there is saying, “You should have kept your legs closed.”

I don’t disagree, but legs don’t listen when your heart believes it is in love.

He came into my life way too early.

You ever wanted to go to the event, but wasn’t ready when your ride arrived?
Have you had a ball hit you dead in the eye because you weren’t ready to catch it?
How about being caught not-camera-ready by a camera?
Well, not being prepared for a baby is worse.

My ignorance worked on my behalf because I couldn’t concern myself with my fears, doubts, questions, my loneliness, my poverty and was still growing up myself.
There are things I managed to do for my son and I’m in awe of my own struggle. It’s one of those things if you gave it much thought, in real time, you’d be in a fetal position from anxiety and worry.
One day, in the heat of the NC summer, we were in my apartment. We were miserable from the heat. A cousin let me borrow a fan. It felt like it was blowing flames of hellfire. We would take baths to cool off and sweat would break through before leaving the bathroom. My baby was red and his mouth was open as if he had a cold. If you’ve been to NC, you know it can be hard to breathe in that humidity.
I began to cry and I called my mother. She sent money for me to buy a window unit. I did and it felt like the wind blew from heaven in that joint!
Another day, I stood at the bus stop with my son in his stroller. I was going to the food stamp office for whatever reason. I felt something on my shoe. I didn’t look. I kicked it away. I thought it was grass. This grass would not leave me alone! I looked down. Lawd Gawd. It was a rat. I swear it looked like he had a knife and wanted my last breath!
I promise you, Mr. Rat met his end that day.
On the way back home, it was pouring down raining. We got off the bus to walk home. I had an umbrella, but I couldn’t push the stroller and hold the umbrella for both of us, only him. I felt the cold sting of the rain, mixed with the NC humidity, and let my wet clothing weigh me down.
But my baby was dry.
I remember his lil head bobbin’ back and forth as I tried to hurry. His expression never changed. He totally trusted his care in my hands. He was born ready for me. Even if I wasn’t ready for him.
I felt so inadequate on that day. Struggling to feed him and trying to keep him dry and meeting up with the overly-friendly rat and not having a car.
Like I said, I wasn’t ready. Are there moments you don’t feel “on-time” for all the things parenting needs you to do?

My son keeps that same trust in me and many of our kids do. He’ll call for me to revise a proposal or to read an email before clicking send. To him, Momma can bring in Operation “Make –Do” and stuff gets done. When someone believes in you like that, you need to be ready for it.

Hello Love Thang Village! 
What we’re about to share brings the biggest smile to our faces! 
 
It’s the end of the calendar year and many are tying up lose ends or finding new ones to tie!

We’re wondering if you’re like others we know….

 
Have you spent much time and moments rethinking a plan, guessing, praying, stopping, redoing and focusing on what to do with what is ahead? Take a deep breath and lets look at the options in front of you!

Recently, Hasan had 2 painful knee surgeries. The stories we could tell you about doctors, the appointments, the tests and on and on! This has put us in place. Many said it put us on pause.
Not one bit!
We haven’t stopped, but we remain in the NOW. There are times, we’ve felt prayerful and cautious about what to do. One of the best choices has been not to do too much! We’re feeling more grounded despite the challenges.

We’ve been guiding others to the same joy of mental balance in their head and heart all year long. Hundreds of folks have called,  met, messaged, text and shouted us out to master the relationships that matter the most! Including the relationship with self! 

 
It’s about to be lit as you become bolder, louder, happier and wealthier with more than money with all of your genius!

Don’t lose anymore sleep about the things on your mind…taking up your brain space and making you eat more…or maybe eat less!

Here’s a brief intro to amazing things coming for 2019!

First, we’re introducing a new “Living-My-Best-Life” service. Everyone can’t do counseling. We get it , but having a place to dump or to free yourself from worries sounds mighty good!

Then, be warned! An options awaits you! 

 
You see, we’ve considered the needs of everyone without compromising confidentiality or your time. Email and text counseling support.

You thought we were finished! Ya’ll know us. We don’t stop right there! 

Atlanta is the premiere city for 2019. 
 
We won’t give you too much at one time! Grounding and not taking it all in, but enough to keep you safe within is the goal! Tell your friends.

Sending out hugs to the Love Thang Village! 
 
Thank you, 
 
Hasan and Naaila 

Warning!

Good information will follow.

Folks who feel their time for good-good love has passed can get this secret weapon! The simple truth is the relationship retreats we sponsor always sell out because we give results! Sounds impressive…right? Take a peek at what other guests have said!

“If you can attend, come. when we walked in, we were about to divorce…it’s not on the table now. i see hope for us.” MTF Jersey

“We learned other people have the same struggles we do. this was comforting & i learned from them too.” MTF Maryland

“I can be better about letting my husband know when he does right. the retreat let me see i got locked in on myself.” MTF Atlanta

“I have to been talking to men all wrong by introducing them to my single self only. i never saw what i was doing.” MTF Jersey

We did 4 in 2018 with the plan to keep it going. We’ll begin 2019 with an Atlanta retreat, you’ll walk away with a swag bag full of gems. gems-festival-illusion-face-paint-store-600x600

 

Get a checklist for ways you put yourself on ice for getting married
Learn ways to put your love on autopilot in marriage
Rock solid ways to toss doubtful feelings in your love life with “snap-your-finger” tips
What is emotional baggage & how to get it through security
Signs you might be the bubble to burst in your marriage
Quite simply, you leave with a wealth of relationship wisdom!

The only catch is you have to hold your front row seat!

Click this link to make it happen!
https://hasanandnaaila.com/products/

UNMARRIED PERSONS
$125
MARCH 8, 2019 5 PM-10 PM
And 7 pm Food & Entertainment

MARRIED COUPLES
$200
MARCH 9, 2019 11 AM- 6 PM
And
7 PM DINNER & ENTERTAINMENT FOR ALL RETREAT GUESTS.

On Saturday evening, we all hang out together! 

Private location information disclosed with paid reservation.

(MEAL/SNACKS AND SATURDAY EVENING ENTERTAINMENT/DINNER INCLUDED)

Reserve your seat here- https://hasanandnaaila.com/products/

It’s more than hard…it’s daym near devastating to accept a parent will never be able to parent you or friend you.

When your parent has been absent during your childhood, somehow, you manage. You don’t have a choice. Children will continue to believe a parent will do right by them once this happens…or once someone else does something…or once someone moves to a different city…or once a certain amount of money is locked in… and on and on. Who doesn’t want to believe something or someone is blocking parental love?

Children, addicts, Trumpsters and roaches are some of the most resilient parts of the creation! They will keep believing despite the facts in front of them. For a child a real news flash of truth about a parent’s absence can cause feelings of inferiority. Feeling like the ideas you’ve built your value on is a farce feels like a low blow. Abandonment. Unworthy. Rejection. Unwanted. Unloved. Getting help to maneuver these places is key. 

When presented with the raw and nekkid truth of who your parent is, and you see, as a person, you don’t really like them…can be the horse pill you spit out. After living a life of not having your parent, and as an adult, seeing your parent incapable of being your friend due to their pride, intolerance, lack of compassion and overall lack of acceptance for who you are as an adult is a kick to your inner child. You ask yourself, “Are you not able to befriend you or do you choose not to?”

Which is it?
Either way, the answer yields the same results.
The way to end your own suffering and to cease presenting opportunities for this “Aint-Gonna-Do-It” parent to show up for you is for you to accept them as they are. Which is another horse pill to spit out and may require insight and hugs to do! 

Hmmm…So folks believe going to a member of the clergy before marriage, 1-3 times, is premarital counseling. Ohh…ok.

Even in a marriage, pot holes can be in found on religious roads. Sunday, we met with a couple planning to divorce, but wanted know how to incorporate religious tenements, co-parenting, a realistic divorce timeline and do all of it around the pending end of a rental lease. We presented the real and raw conditions of the mess they got themselves in, what could be done to remain in the dwelling while working on the marriage with us and meet their religious conditions. BOOM!

And what did they say? “Our (religious leader) did not tell us any of this…”

We weren’t surprised. The clergy gives religious and spiritual advice, as they should. The clergy doesn’t always dig deep enough to learn, “Is what I’m saying applicable and realistic for this person/couples life…Can they do this in real time?”

No. But we do.

Most who go to the clergy rarely get premarital counseling. The premarital advice may be sound and be a guide to a paved road to GLORY!
If we had a brick for every couple in marriage counseling with us who had been to “premarital counseling” with their pastor or imam, we could rebuild the yellow brick road!

THE HIM & I created & teach our own 6-week, State of Georgia-approved, premarital course covering eight “I-Didn’t-Even-Think-About-That” areas.  But for right now, we’re gonna give you some premarital info to help you navigate these heart highways:

1. Don’t go to premarital counseling because you PLAN to marry. 👰🏽🤵🏻Use premarital counseling to decide if ya’ll SHOULD marry each other.

2. Don’t wait until you have a wedding date, cake, dowry & the giggles to set up premarital counseling. If you do, you want premarital advice, not premarital counseling. There’s a difference! You can get good advice from a member of the clergy, married mentor or an elder. With premarital counseling, ya’ll may change or cancel that date!

3. Do not lie or embellish the truth to prevent heartache or out of fear someone won’t marry you if they know learn a previously unknown truth about you. Divorce causes more pain. 😔

4. Accept recommendations given by the premarital counselor. If you know you ain’t trying to hear it 🚫& your mind is made up, really think this through. Real talk…counseling is not meant to tell you what to do. You’re grown! However…a counselor isn’t there to lie to you because you paid them either. At least THE HIM & I don’t…

5. Know you may learn surprising 😳😔😖 information about the other person in the premarital process. Use a counselor who provides individual sessions, for each of you, so you can recover from the shock attacks you may get on the heart highway!

6. Be open! Don’t limit your thinking. Limited thinking limits your options! And we’ll guide you to the doors of LOVE Thang opportunities!  You deserve a solid plan for a happy marriage.

Believe it. Act like it. Hook up right before marrying wrong!

THE HIM & Naa’ila
“Ossie & Ruby Dee of Marriage Counseling”

Way too much relevance has been given to the influence, roll and influence of the world, social media, technology and all forms of media.
But we’re letting a greater source of power in your daughter’s life off the hook. You don’t want to do that and leave a stone unturned. This rock may be the one to hold your daughter down or to flip her over.
Mothers, that rock is YOU!

Listen to the whispered secrets, girl confessions and hurts young girls have shared with Naaila.
And then, make the change with your daughter today.

You don’t believe it, but God is pleased with you.

God was pleased when you sat in discomfort when He didn’t answer your prayer right away.

You don’t believe it, but God is pleased with you.

God was pleased when you went back to school and you trusted He’d pay the tuition.

You don’t believe it, but God is pleased with you.

God was pleased when you got the divorce because He never told you to marry that person, but He allowed you to.

You don’t believe it, but God is pleased with you.

God was pleased when you didn’t defend your child because your child needed that lesson.

You don’t believe it, but God is pleased with you.

God was pleased when you took care of your mother by yourself and watched other family members walk away.

You don’t believe it, but God is pleased with you.

God was pleased when you left that job cause it was never good for your faith and He pays your bills.

You don’t believe it, but God is pleased with you.

God was pleased when you took care of your health because your body deserves honor.

You don’t believe it, but God is pleased with you.

When you stayed up at night crying and praying, He knew you knew loving Him is #squadGoals.

You don’t believe it, but God is pleased with you.

Hard moments and hard choices can bring God closer even when it doesn’t feel like it.
We’ll believe it for you until you can.