Lessons Ain’t Cheap But Here’s A Free One

Hello Love Thang Village, 

It hasn’t been a secret, but recently, what had happened was…

Earlier in December, we held our 6th Managing The Flow relationship retreat for couples and unmarried folks. It was like a good meal…You had to be there to enjoy it! We were blessed with another sold out event and turned folks away at the last hour. We’re gonna let ya’ll in on a secret, unless you bring a bag lunch, after the catering head count has been turned in…that’s all folks! Our events has timelines, deadlines and sold out lines!  Anyway…

We got a “MONDAY FREEBIE” we’re gonna let you in on cause we believe you need to be in the KNOW KNOW.

At the Washington, DC retreat, we play a game called, “He Said-She Said” : Relationship Rap.

Well, after a couple of rounds, folks get comfortable, which is the intent. Discussions included money and misguided feminine energy in women. You don’t have to take a guess to know the room got warm! 

A level of comfort had developed and one wife specifically began to describe her husband’s lack of ambition and how her father termed him a “John Doe” prior to marriage. In his behalf, the husband responded how he defined wealth and it was in being surrounded by his children, which he continued to play a major fatherhood role, which the wife also noted.
On the other hand, she was not to be swayed from her original point!

She felt she had not married her equal…was frustrated and felt her husband’s position created resentment in her over the years. She disclosed how sessions with Naa’ila resolved  much of this as Naa’ila redirected her to herself (Ya’ll know how we do!)

The following day, during a couples exercise, she stated, “I married my soul male.” 

When external factors such as family, societal expectations and personal preferences were removed, she was able to look at her husband differently and with Midas-touch appreciation. Might we add, this couple had been married for over 25 years! Folks, the stuff you see you don’t like is real. We’ll never tell ya it isn’t valid or uncomfortable. But there’s more behind this shameless truth. Every now and again, the unimagined raw truth folded up neatly as a complaint, concern or argument ain’t real stuff.

It’s your wants and “don’t wants” labeled differently.
Wait there’s more to this free lesson, you fail to see how your faults influence another person. How much does the other person have to switch and to flip to modify self to deal with you? Hmmmm…..

When you never see it coming, you may notice your partner is your soul mate.

The cost for this lesson? $Free.99

We pray the retreat guests had this same takeaway and others. In order to get yours, you’ll have to attend a retreat and get your own. The Hamptons, located in Long Island, NY, is the luxurious spot for the next retreat. Dat house is gonna be up one!

Until next time, take care of yourself and the villagers in your circle.

Thank you,

Hasan “THE HIM” and Naa’ila

Tips For Living With Your Spouse’s Unaddressed Triggers

Sooo, it doesn’t take much for your spouse to believe a discussion is a disagreement or to take normal negotiation between a husband and wife to the left..?

Before you leave, what can you do?

There are a few options. One of the worst things to occur in a marriage when one person is triggered is for TWO people to get sparked. Let’s keep it to a minimum. If you know your spouse can get lit easily, don’t behave as lighter fluid. There will be someone out there saying, “Why I always gotta be the one to fall back?…Why can’t he/she be the one to give in sometimes?”

If this is your set up, stop now and email us at info@ThatClayCouple.com.  Act now! When folks have reached this point, feelings of self-sacrifice and resentment have moved in or eyeing your marriage for a takeover. Let’s do something quickly.
Back to our regularly scheduled programming….

Please don’t try to convince a rattled spouse to feel or to think differently. This is not to suggest you shut down or hide your opinion. Never would we suggest this! However, let’s look at this realistically. Is this person really going to hear you in this mindset? It ain’t gonna happen.

Truthfully, when you get in your feelin’s you may be hard to pry apart also. Allow the person the opportunity to refocus and to allow their ears to work more than their mouths!

We’re gonna let you in on a secret. In these moments, your spouse ain’t really talking to you anyway! You’re there and may be the only person in the house. The most undeniable target for whatever your spouse is saying in this moment is likely a historical figure such as an Ex…a childhood tormentor…a fake friend…or a parent.

Fall back from the emotional and mental strike. Keep yourself safe. Gather your beliefs, values, favorite shoes, prayers and secure yourself! Abuse isn’t for you to own or to accept.

Don’t get pulled into the mood! When you don’t, you create a space of trust and safety. Your spouse knows he or she can be human, display their flaws and you’ll remain in a position to negotiate with them….later.

Let us know how it works out!

Hasan “THE HIM” and Naa’ila

Reasons You Should Go To Bed Mad

“I’m upset and you’re going to go to sleep?”

“You don’t care about me at all. How dare you?”

“You never want to talk about anything anyway!”

“So, you want to go to sleep with this problem right now?”

 

 

 

The long-standing script for “Don’t Go To Bed Angry” has to be rewritten.

“Go to bed. I don’t care. I’ll be up all night with this on my mind.”
Folks, we’re gonna tell you to go to bed. If it was that bad, someone would have called a doctor, 911 or us. If none of those are on the line, go to bed!

If you’re tired, you’ll wake up, with little or no sleep, even more irritated than previously. Is it worth it? Being well-rested and not sleep-deprived goes a long way for a meaningful conversation.

Next, recollect the times you tried to argue with a sleepy person. How effective was it? Folks don’t respond well, don’t listen and often will say anything for you to leave them alone.

Furthermore, the ability to pick up on cues and to have a “Keep it a Hunnit” conversation is valuable. A sleepy person will translate body language  and facial expressions wrong.

Now you have to explain that on top of the problem you already have. You don’t need more bad communication on top of bad communication.

Lastly, folks who lack sleep can be mean and grumpy. And here you are seeking to negotiate and get a resolution with an irritated person. Each of you can have a much better conversation after getting some rest.

Our final answer is, GO TO BED MAD! You won’t wake up happy, but at least you’ll have gone to bed.

Nite Nite,

Hasan “THE HIM” and Naa’ila

 

Rules for Handling Resentment

Hello Love Thang Village!

We’re telling our business today! Don’t ya’ll tell anyone what we said! This is between us!

No really! This is a village of folks seeking relationship mastery on all levels. 

 Learn what we did when resentment showed up in our own marriage. 

It’s all there-in this video!

https://youtu.be/U5BMBBUFqLE

And what about you?

Resentment poking its head through the blinds or stalking your head and heart?

Got a family member or friend who hurt you and the nerve to act like they don’t get what he or she did?

We’re here to show you how to get more of what you want from your relationship or from yourself after someone disappointed you!

Hold on to the webinar ride to take place on Thursday and get:

… one of our well-known “nuts and bolts” plans for changing your resentment mindset

…questions to ask yourself to asses internal feelings

…”Drive and Survive” patterns fueling resentment

Get Instant Access  to with immediate “Can-Do” Methods for a resentment remedy with us, That Clay Couple. We’ve dealt with resentment, personally and cured it professionally! This link does it for you!

https://hasanandnaaila.com/product/resentment-rollercoaster-webinar/

 

Marriage Ain’t Always the Answer

Hello Love Thang Family Member,
Ya’ll see how 2020 is fallin’ in on us!
We’ve got a relationship reminder to carry you into the last days of 2019. Did anyone have an elder who’d say, “We’re living in the last days…”
THE HIM and I surely did! 😁😁
It’s only the last dasys of 2019 we’re referencing!
Check out this video..Marriage Ain’t Everything!
Yeah…we said it!

What You Want Expires If You Don’t Move Now!

Love Thang Village:
FACTS: As a couple, we don’t have to constantly read a book or watch a video to recover from problems or to generate the marriage we want.
In the pic below, we were at one of our many yearly retreats. What the picture doesn’t show says much more.  A few moments after this was snapped, a man present at the event, said, “THE HIM is treated like the KING! You mesh…”

What you can’t see is I was caressing Hasan’s neck. He was in pain and despite teaching a class, I could see it. I went to him to give him comfort and to bring him a drink. I said nothing! I noticed his condition and responded. This is meshing.

67556357_10157386482576303_6664641761274494976_n.jpg
Previously, the night before we had a disagreement over swim trunks. Yasss! Swim trunks! You can’t tell in this picture and when we spoke to each other, publicly or privately, you wouldn’t be able to tell. Resentment doesn’t live here.
This is #TEAMMESH!
We worked. We laughed. We ate good.
All while being a normal husband and wife with real life issues. The difference? We do the guaranteed work we speak of to you!

We’re a regular couple known as the “Ossie and Ruby Dee of Counseling” who knows how to work the marriage work.

And you can do the same.

Can I Get Some Love?

Hello Love Thang Village,

“Hasan and Naa’ila, how can I get more affection in my marriage?”

We get this question sooo often. 

And from that, we have a few questions. Does your husband or wife believe they’re affectionate and you’re missing it? 🤔

Another question asked is, “Hasan and Naa’ila, can you help me find someone to marry?”

Ahh…we struggled with this one ourselves! With God’s grace, paying attention to life lessons and giving pause, we learned real life tactics to make better decisions.

Listen to what others have said who’ve gotten answers from us…

 

…I remarried in February to an amazing loving brother. This is the final stop for both of us….” 

 

“… I’m thankful for the space Im in now. I didn’t realize it would come this soon, but my grieving period is over…I wanted to give you and Brother Hasan the credit you deserve…the storm has passed and I’m healing…” 

Aren’t these two great things to say and to feel?

You can send a message to yourself and to your relationship to make it feel like, “Heyy…this is what you said you wanted. I got it!”

Show yourself you can resolve your own issues without too much effort or work. Invest in products and services that don’t FEEL like work. Sure, some lifting will be involved with any relationship, but nothing over 25 lbs!

If it feels heavy or overwhelming, who doesn’t feel naturally want to turn away.

Imagine a Home Depot commercial. Even if you aren’t a homeowner, the they make you feel like you can get a project done in a matter of hours. All you have to do is visit the store and buy their stuff! The commercial never mentions the snafu leading you to a YouTube search for help!

If you never heard the good news upfront, you wouldn’t even consider it. Home Depot doesn’t lie. They simply make it look easy. We have one up on them! Our testimonials show you a possible best-case scenario for you.

Love this? Feelin’ like you may be able to hammer a nail into a relationship repair?

Go visit our products page at to get your tool kit! https://hasanandnaaila.com/products-events/.  This link has many solutions! Get yours! 

SuperDuper Tips to Build Your Family

Hello Love Thang Village, 

Opps! The summer is almost gone. You have time to get in those last minute trips, cook outs, plans and wear out your summer sandals! We’re gonna tell you what Naa’ila did to make a mad dash for the “bucket list’ this summer….

Ya’ll gather round…We feel like some of you can relate to this one! 

When it comes to biology, the first place you look for relatives is within your immediate family circleright? We doA big problem comes with this. It can be quite restrictive and the reason for it is downright alarming.
Almost sneaky.

Your family members typically select the kinfolks you’ll interact with and/or create a relationship, especially during your childhood.

If Momma doesn’t talk to her sister, you probably didn’t either.

When Grandma and her brother fell out, you saw Uncle Jimmy less and less.

It ain’t right, but these family decisions impact many and do so for years. As adults, your family circle becomes limited because you haven’t seen Uncle Jimmy or your mother’s sister in over 25 years! Their children, grandchildren, celebrations, and experiences are unknown to you. Likewise, you’re a blood-related stranger to them also.

In your childhood, you can’t do much about the choices adults make. As a grown up, what can you do expand your family territory?

QUIT ALLOWING FAMILY TO

DEFINE FAMILY FOR YOU! 

You’ve heard, “You can’t pick your family!” Agreed! You’re born into your family of origin, but you can hand-pick your emotional family.

Tip #1: Family doesn’t have to be blood or biological. You select the good folks you want to be in your circle that are healthy, supportive, loving and “show up” for you.

Tip #2: Set limits on the input you allow relatives to give you about your family interactions. When your brother says you shouldn’t talk to your oldest brother because he isn’t, it may be ok to give your brother the side eye. A broken tie doesn’t break your connection. Now, we would be remiss if we did not acknowledge sensitivities and exceptions to this. For example, when domestic violence, abuse, inappropriate sexual activity or illegal conduct occurs, boundaries may be needed.
But for issues outside of this, it may be good for you to accept the dinner invitation at your older brother’s house. Repeatedly limiting the selection of available family members for you to love and to interact with continues the cycle of family dysfunction.

Tip #3: Take responsibility for the bonds you create versus deciding to be loyal to one side of the family due to a generational/family dispute that has nothing to do with you. You deserve to have deep loving connections. When you give consent for another person to dictate with whom those love networks will be with, you restrict your capacity to give and to receive love.

68576969_10157461102531303_8684090677539110912_nRecently, Naa’ila met one of her 2 sisters she’d never met. The three sisters had heard of one another, but by no means been presented with the option of interacting as family.
Until now.

As children, the adults around them decided dissolved marriages was reason enough not to make a connection. We’re gonna take it a step further. Sometimes, grown folks don’t know how to be the intermediary under such conditions. Imagine that!
No one teaches adults how to orientate a formerly ignored child into the existing family unit. Ain’t no classes on this one!
However, we’ve done it, if you need a guide, we got you... but a formal course doesn’t exist.

Rather than be in awe of the alliances and love waited to be created, go make a family connection! You can renew old ones too! Let us know what happens!
Thank you,
Hasan “THE HIM” & Naa’ila

Summer School For Parents!

Love Thang Villagers, 

You’re feelin’ yo’self and doin’ big things. 

You got a promotion.

The laundry is done.

Your bills are paid.

Your credit score increased and your thighs decreased.

Life is leaning in your favor and you know you sizzle like the summer heat.

Until it comes to parenting. When it comes to the parent-child standoff, you can’t seem to draw your parental weaponry kit! Your child is quick on the draw. Their behavior is a knock down fight in the Wild Wild West for you.
At least it feels like it.

You’re determined to get a win. We have a few suggestions for you to switch with a quick flick of the wrist. Turning your language around is a step to changing behavior. We make no promises for your child’s reaction, but you gotta begin somewhere! If you’re feeling lost and need to adjust hat brim, we do that too. 

Be careful… Say, “What do you need to remember?”

I keep telling you the same thing… Say, “Would you like to do it on your own or have me help you?”

You should know better… Say “What did you learn from this mistake?”

What’s wrong now?… Say, “How can you take care of yourself in this moment?”

Now, there’s a second half to this. Don’t allow your son or daughter to give you an open-ended answers with the intention of putting you on ice.
Make an inquiry. Ask for specifics. Find out what their plan is. Do you need a parenting plan?
You have to teach the skill set you want to see.

Let us know what happens! 

THE HIM & Naa’ila 

Are You Frazzled About the Past?

Hello Love Thang Village,

Via social media, we discussed the best ways to argue and a key rule was to not being up the past.

Makes sense right? Not to everyone.

Because of this, we took it up a notch and gave more clarity for not dwelling in old stuff.

Take a peek at the video. Share it with a friend.

3 KEY BENEFITS For GIVING A PASS ON THE PAST- For the married couples in the Love Thang Village!

What if you could put a restraining order on having to re-hear your past offenses? Maybe you’re the one who keeps bringing out the archives because, for you, the old news continues to be present-day. This feels like a never-ending battle!
This video has some “RIGHT NOW” action you can do! Ladies, there’s a bonus. Find out what a man thinks when he’s presented with his marriage record and what you can do.