Is This For You Today?

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It’s crazy how folks look at what other people have and want the same thing without even considering it may not be for them. Have you ever seen someone be someone about the blessings of another person? Or, when they hear about another person’s “Aw Yeah” moment, they don’t hooray or toss confetti in the air.

Instead, the person makes it about them and inserts their experience with something similar. Suddenly, it becomes about how this success story ain’t all that bright. How this person needs to be careful cause someone is always being shady. How they learned their lesson…blah…blah..blah.

Real quickly, the conversation has made a turn onto Hater Highway.

You direct the person to their narrow minded beliefs. You try to change the conversation. You no longer feel comfortable.
You did all you could, but this person is stuck. You gotta leave’em there and accept folks for who they are.

Same thing goes for your marriage. To kill a relationship faster than bug spray on a fly, don’t expect your spouse to change for you. They’ll fall out on you like you sprayed Raid all over them!

Take a step back and look within. No matter how much you want your spouse to be something or someone else, all he or she will be is who they are. We’ll never tell you folks can’t shift, but they’ll do so because they wanna. It may be for you, but they WANT to do it for you.

            

I remember when THE HIM went to an arts festival with me. He hated err’ minute of it, but he wanted to be with me. He tried to act like he liked it to not spoil it for me. I knew the truth! I was so appreciative of the gesture, I never asked him to go again! He’s glad too! This is how you make the marriage gifts about each of you.

You have key internal gifts to use. We know you use them for many great things, but when your talents are consumed to the white meat with making another person change, you’re wasting them. You’re looking for them to do the impossible!

The evolution you seek isn’t to be found in someone else. It is within you!

Talk to you soon,

Hasan “THE HIM” and Naaila

Work Less and Get More…

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Ya’ll in it to win it… So how do you make sure you win every time?

Hello Winners in the Love Thang Village! 

This village is full of winners! This is the momentum on this Love Plateau!

We’re about to pour the tea on how you can love more and stomp out anything keeping you from it.

What was the Relationship Killer lurking around you this week? Last week?

Did you apologize, buy a gift, isolate yourself, try to bite your tongue or have more sex to try to put the brakes on an issue beating down your relationship?

Now, ya’ll still together so you did something! Whatever it was. No relationship can survive without effort. At least not a loving and sustainable relationship.

Ya’ll may have made some headway or you let it go. God willing, ya’ll found some toe-curling action each of you like.

We’ve got an idea for you that has gotten hundreds of couples back on track.

We’ve got an idea for you that had folks running to get married.

We’ve got an idea we’ve seen work, again and again, and quickly.

You see where we’re going with this? Flood the right actions into your relationship and you can secure the love bag while doing less!

NEVER CEASE AND DESIST on the small gestures and words that got the attention of each other. Don’t stop doing what you were doing at the beginning!

Remember the $5 gift you bought her and she lit up for no reason? Imagine what another one would do!

Don’t forget the time you made something special for him, just because, and he loved it!

What was the sweet name you used to call each other? Do it again!

See how easy it is! You already have an arsenal of goodness to use. Use this must-have skill to pull in more of what you want to see and to feel from one another.

Can’t think of anything? ASK!

“Baby, what was something I used to do that made you feel good about me?”

The reality is this. You can keep doing what you’re doing-trying to guess what it is or believe you know what to do while getting it wrong- OR you can use this quick fix right now.

The choice is all yours.

Talk to you soon,

Hasan “THE HIM” and Naaila

How To Talk To Each Other During a Pandemic

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Love Thang Village,

Ya’ll told us that you’ve been running out of these to talk about with your spouse. When you have found words, often they didn’t feel like the right ones as they didn’t create the “That’s It” vibe you wanted.

You try and start all over again. We’ve got a quick time investment for you to try. Let’s slash the time you spend looking for the right words in half with a these prized and proven scripts. These questions are for the faint at heart. This is for grown and married folks!

Love Thang Talk for Couples 

  1. When I touch you, how does it feel? Do I feel strong? Or slow and gentle? How would you like me to touch you differently?

  2. What is your favorite type of foreplay? What type of foreplay kills your arousal? Is there a part of foreplay you’d like us to work on?

  3.  Do I neglect to touch your favorite places? Is that true for us? What are some of your favorite places?

  4. Would it help if I asked you what do you want and need?

  5. Do you feel embarrassed to ask for stimulation from me? If so, what can I do to make it easier for you? I want to please you as best I can.

Now, if you get distracted by the children, news, last minute “TO DO” chores, get back on track quickly. You can pick these questions and put them down as needed. Don’t rush! Good things take time.

An FYI for you, successful couples spend a minimum of 3 hours together weekly. Make sure you get yours in. Want to hear what others have said when using our “Whoa!” words with their spouse?

No worries! We got you.

“Counseling has brought me and my husband closer than ever and our relationship is better than it has ever been and is continuing to make us better people…”

Now, go ahead and do that!

Let us know how it works out for you!

Thank you

Hasan “THE HIM” and Naaila

Lessons Ain’t Cheap But Here’s A Free One

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Hello Love Thang Village, 

It hasn’t been a secret, but recently, what had happened was…

Earlier in December, we held our 6th Managing The Flow relationship retreat for couples and unmarried folks. It was like a good meal…You had to be there to enjoy it! We were blessed with another sold out event and turned folks away at the last hour. We’re gonna let ya’ll in on a secret, unless you bring a bag lunch, after the catering head count has been turned in…that’s all folks! Our events has timelines, deadlines and sold out lines!  Anyway…

We got a “MONDAY FREEBIE” we’re gonna let you in on cause we believe you need to be in the KNOW KNOW.

At the Washington, DC retreat, we play a game called, “He Said-She Said” : Relationship Rap.

Well, after a couple of rounds, folks get comfortable, which is the intent. Discussions included money and misguided feminine energy in women. You don’t have to take a guess to know the room got warm! 

A level of comfort had developed and one wife specifically began to describe her husband’s lack of ambition and how her father termed him a “John Doe” prior to marriage. In his behalf, the husband responded how he defined wealth and it was in being surrounded by his children, which he continued to play a major fatherhood role, which the wife also noted.
On the other hand, she was not to be swayed from her original point!

She felt she had not married her equal…was frustrated and felt her husband’s position created resentment in her over the years. She disclosed how sessions with Naa’ila resolved  much of this as Naa’ila redirected her to herself (Ya’ll know how we do!)

The following day, during a couples exercise, she stated, “I married my soul male.” 

When external factors such as family, societal expectations and personal preferences were removed, she was able to look at her husband differently and with Midas-touch appreciation. Might we add, this couple had been married for over 25 years! Folks, the stuff you see you don’t like is real. We’ll never tell ya it isn’t valid or uncomfortable. But there’s more behind this shameless truth. Every now and again, the unimagined raw truth folded up neatly as a complaint, concern or argument ain’t real stuff.

It’s your wants and “don’t wants” labeled differently.
Wait there’s more to this free lesson, you fail to see how your faults influence another person. How much does the other person have to switch and to flip to modify self to deal with you? Hmmmm…..

When you never see it coming, you may notice your partner is your soul mate.

The cost for this lesson? $Free.99

We pray the retreat guests had this same takeaway and others. In order to get yours, you’ll have to attend a retreat and get your own. The Hamptons, located in Long Island, NY, is the luxurious spot for the next retreat. Dat house is gonna be up one!

Until next time, take care of yourself and the villagers in your circle.

Thank you,

Hasan “THE HIM” and Naa’ila

Tips For Living With Your Spouse’s Unaddressed Triggers

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Sooo, it doesn’t take much for your spouse to believe a discussion is a disagreement or to take normal negotiation between a husband and wife to the left..?

Before you leave, what can you do?

There are a few options. One of the worst things to occur in a marriage when one person is triggered is for TWO people to get sparked. Let’s keep it to a minimum. If you know your spouse can get lit easily, don’t behave as lighter fluid. There will be someone out there saying, “Why I always gotta be the one to fall back?…Why can’t he/she be the one to give in sometimes?”

If this is your set up, stop now and email us at info@ThatClayCouple.com.  Act now! When folks have reached this point, feelings of self-sacrifice and resentment have moved in or eyeing your marriage for a takeover. Let’s do something quickly.
Back to our regularly scheduled programming….

Please don’t try to convince a rattled spouse to feel or to think differently. This is not to suggest you shut down or hide your opinion. Never would we suggest this! However, let’s look at this realistically. Is this person really going to hear you in this mindset? It ain’t gonna happen.

Truthfully, when you get in your feelin’s you may be hard to pry apart also. Allow the person the opportunity to refocus and to allow their ears to work more than their mouths!

We’re gonna let you in on a secret. In these moments, your spouse ain’t really talking to you anyway! You’re there and may be the only person in the house. The most undeniable target for whatever your spouse is saying in this moment is likely a historical figure such as an Ex…a childhood tormentor…a fake friend…or a parent.

Fall back from the emotional and mental strike. Keep yourself safe. Gather your beliefs, values, favorite shoes, prayers and secure yourself! Abuse isn’t for you to own or to accept.

Don’t get pulled into the mood! When you don’t, you create a space of trust and safety. Your spouse knows he or she can be human, display their flaws and you’ll remain in a position to negotiate with them….later.

Let us know how it works out!

Hasan “THE HIM” and Naa’ila

Reasons You Should Go To Bed Mad

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“I’m upset and you’re going to go to sleep?”

“You don’t care about me at all. How dare you?”

“You never want to talk about anything anyway!”

“So, you want to go to sleep with this problem right now?”

 

 

 

The long-standing script for “Don’t Go To Bed Angry” has to be rewritten.

“Go to bed. I don’t care. I’ll be up all night with this on my mind.”
Folks, we’re gonna tell you to go to bed. If it was that bad, someone would have called a doctor, 911 or us. If none of those are on the line, go to bed!

If you’re tired, you’ll wake up, with little or no sleep, even more irritated than previously. Is it worth it? Being well-rested and not sleep-deprived goes a long way for a meaningful conversation.

Next, recollect the times you tried to argue with a sleepy person. How effective was it? Folks don’t respond well, don’t listen and often will say anything for you to leave them alone.

Furthermore, the ability to pick up on cues and to have a “Keep it a Hunnit” conversation is valuable. A sleepy person will translate body language  and facial expressions wrong.

Now you have to explain that on top of the problem you already have. You don’t need more bad communication on top of bad communication.

Lastly, folks who lack sleep can be mean and grumpy. And here you are seeking to negotiate and get a resolution with an irritated person. Each of you can have a much better conversation after getting some rest.

Our final answer is, GO TO BED MAD! You won’t wake up happy, but at least you’ll have gone to bed.

Nite Nite,

Hasan “THE HIM” and Naa’ila

 

Rules for Handling Resentment

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Hello Love Thang Village!

We’re telling our business today! Don’t ya’ll tell anyone what we said! This is between us!

No really! This is a village of folks seeking relationship mastery on all levels. 

 Learn what we did when resentment showed up in our own marriage. 

It’s all there-in this video!

https://youtu.be/U5BMBBUFqLE

And what about you?

Resentment poking its head through the blinds or stalking your head and heart?

Got a family member or friend who hurt you and the nerve to act like they don’t get what he or she did?

We’re here to show you how to get more of what you want from your relationship or from yourself after someone disappointed you!

Hold on to the webinar ride to take place on Thursday and get:

… one of our well-known “nuts and bolts” plans for changing your resentment mindset

…questions to ask yourself to asses internal feelings

…”Drive and Survive” patterns fueling resentment

Get Instant Access  to with immediate “Can-Do” Methods for a resentment remedy with us, That Clay Couple. We’ve dealt with resentment, personally and cured it professionally! This link does it for you!

https://hasanandnaaila.com/product/resentment-rollercoaster-webinar/

 

Marriage Ain’t Always the Answer

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Hello Love Thang Family Member,
Ya’ll see how 2020 is fallin’ in on us!
We’ve got a relationship reminder to carry you into the last days of 2019. Did anyone have an elder who’d say, “We’re living in the last days…”
THE HIM and I surely did! 😁😁
It’s only the last dasys of 2019 we’re referencing!
Check out this video..Marriage Ain’t Everything!
Yeah…we said it!

What You Want Expires If You Don’t Move Now!

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Love Thang Village:
FACTS: As a couple, we don’t have to constantly read a book or watch a video to recover from problems or to generate the marriage we want.
In the pic below, we were at one of our many yearly retreats. What the picture doesn’t show says much more.  A few moments after this was snapped, a man present at the event, said, “THE HIM is treated like the KING! You mesh…”

What you can’t see is I was caressing Hasan’s neck. He was in pain and despite teaching a class, I could see it. I went to him to give him comfort and to bring him a drink. I said nothing! I noticed his condition and responded. This is meshing.

67556357_10157386482576303_6664641761274494976_n.jpg
Previously, the night before we had a disagreement over swim trunks. Yasss! Swim trunks! You can’t tell in this picture and when we spoke to each other, publicly or privately, you wouldn’t be able to tell. Resentment doesn’t live here.
This is #TEAMMESH!
We worked. We laughed. We ate good.
All while being a normal husband and wife with real life issues. The difference? We do the guaranteed work we speak of to you!

We’re a regular couple known as the “Ossie and Ruby Dee of Counseling” who knows how to work the marriage work.

And you can do the same.